  It's not that... Guilt? Did guilt come to mind every time I said I'm sorry and it's ok? Why the fuck did this keep going on? I mean, how many times do I have to say it's alright and don't worry about it so that you understand and we don't have to do this anymore? What's it gonna take for you to stop using this situation as a weapon ("I don't understand why you like me"....what does it matter, that's just me).
And believe me, it's just another nail in the fucking coffin every time we fight...it's like having my chest ripped open and taking my still-beating heart out, and I kid you not at all on that metaphor. Taking this and adding it on to everything else...that fire that I always talked about in my chest before....it's coming back but it just feels like there's a ball of rubber bands there waiting to snap.
I hate this I hate this I HATE THIS . These friends of ours don't need to care and we shouldn't be involving them...when you put extras in a two-person duel all you're getting is more chaos. And I don't bring it up, if you recall, so don't blame this on me. Life is so cool I could just scream 
