  Well, I'm glad everyone is having such a good day. I managed to get to a computer this weekend; here I am at the library, the "library closing" warning is blaring every five minutes now, and I'm siting here shaking and trying to figure out what the hell I wanted to say. You guys don't know how hard this is. It smells like Leigh Anne in here. I kissed her at this exact spot once, the very place I'm at right now. I came home angry yesterday. I did it because I realize how much humanity is lost to itself. Take a look around you, everyone! What is the goddamned point? Perhaps nihil is right. So I'm going to go out on a wing and make a new form of philosophy: nihilistic socialism, and the theory is that everything will end in nihilism.
This morning I had something to say, and I still know what I wanted to say. I wrote it on a piece of paper when I woke up this morning because I had a dream about it, something that might just change us all into that thing we're all looking for; but I left the paper in the car on the way in. I really don't see a point in sharing it. It's because humanity is a fucking waste. We've just been missing it all along. Why should we settle things peacefully? Why have a friend when we could have a hated enemy? Why be constant allies with someone when we could shift our alliances at the drop of a hat? Why not let our demons eat us? WHY SHOULDN'T WE LET THEM EAT US? It's alright, because they've been eating us all along! Consuming and digesting us, taking our innards and spreading them in a sick ritual of their victory. They got us, gang. Too fucking bad. But it's alright, because somehow we'll get back up again, just like we always do.
And then we're going to get into another shithole and the process of masochism is going to start all over again; just like we promised we would never again. I said I would never get into another Megan Flynn situation again: look what happened. What I'm trying to say, all, is that I've achieved some kind of dark enlightenment. Humanity is a waste. I am a waste, you are a waste, and all of us and everything about us is a waste. Proof? Read this BLog cover to cover. Read MY BLog, cover to cover. What's the point, gang?
We're all just going to roll over and die anyway, we're good at that. I've tried to keep face-up this year, I really have. When what I called kindness was called "being a pushover", I shrugged it off. When you fought I tried to mediate it. I tried not to get angry. Look what it produced. More hatred, hate hate hate hate hate hate. And yes, I have lost faith in even myself. I can't trust myself to not be jealous or upset. I can't trust myself to be a rock when I'm all alone and the only consolation I have is my shaking concious. I hope you all get something out of this; let's just die because there isn't really a point to it.
Some of you saw me upset for the first time on Friday, when I went off at Rosie and Becca. That was the last bit of determination I had to try and give all of you that enlightenment I tried to have. It was hope in humanity; and maybe I was the last person left with any real hope that something would turn out right. They're kicking me out now. I'm not sure if I made the best sense but there's a lot to get out of this, if you can. This has been the hardest thing I've had to write in a long time. It's all a fucking waste. Happy Birthday Will, have a great day. 
