  I'm not really as mad as I am upset. I see my last year's self in Josh and it is like a terrible rerun. And it hurts me so bad. I have been through all this and it's hell, pure hell. I can't put into words how bad the pain is and the black hole that just sucks your entire being into it. And only Josh will know what I'm talking about when he reads it.
And I would rather be stabbed through the heart than see him go through this because I know how much it hurts. But he has to find himself. Josh, when you read this, take my advice: find yourself. Make time to be alone and find yourself. No one can know the true Josh until Josh knows the true Josh. Not Rosie, not me, not Leigh, not anybody.
It is hard as hell to break out of the little shell your used to living in. Mine was the world of music; that may be yours, I don't know. It's that thing that makes you feel better, but draws you away from the world. That thing that sucks you in and doesn't let you breathe. Whatever that thing is, you have to let it go, not totally, just don't obsess about it. Everything in moderation, that's the key.
Josh, you're like the brother I never had and it hurts me so badly to see you going through all this. Call me anytime you just need someone to listen. Know your true self, Josh, and once you let that self out, things will just sort themselves out. It takes trust too, in both yourself and in others who need to see the real you. I lived (and still do to an extent) by the motto "trust no one and you'll never get hurt. " That's not all true.
Trust hurts, yeah, it really really does, but it also brings great joy if you let it. Just be cautious of people. Filter the ones that can hurt you. Just remember that the ones that love you most also hurt you most. It's a really overwhelming concept. It starts making sense after awhile.
Just think about it. 
