  "You know I can't help you" Something really struck me about that. It was told to me by one of my good friends in perfect honesty and (hopefully) care. And I just ran with it, but something about it didn't sit well with me. For some completely irrational reason I have felt incredibly lonely as of late (once again, for no good reason, making it all the more annoying) and that just kind of pricked me. I have to rely on myself wholely and completely even for my mental and spiritual poxes, which is for better and for worse. There is something starkly isolated and empty about it, rather than a feeling of being "total" and in control. If I was any more pissy, I could easily accuse those around me of abandonment - but that would essentially being doing my best of blowing a mild fit out of proportion and using all my effort to take others' actions and words the exact wrong way. I suppose it can all be traced to the fact how I'm an incredibly jealous, insecure, superficial person (at least at times). Whenever I walk around school, and I see me friends, I exchange greetings and what not - little more than that. Which is fine, perfect even when considering myself. But in the midst of all that I see them go "Oh look theres [blank], I have to go hug/kiss/sit with them right now beyond all else". Just those people everyone loves to openly love, to shower in PDPA (public dislay of platonic affection), and I just feel irked.
I'm just patheticaly jealous of them, for no damn good reason. They recieve that because they are like that and their character demands/lends itself to that, and I get what I get because of who I am. If I wasn't me than I wouldn't be me and they wouldn't notice me because they couldn't see me because I wouldn't be me. This display is purely superficial and does not mean care is greater for others than for the rest, but what can I say - I'm a superficial guy.
Man, I can't wait to go to Yale, so I'll have an actual reason to be lonely. Oh well, if I can just get good and pissed off about this, then I won't be sad, as I'll be cruel and vindictive. WHAT THE FUCK! I NEED TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING EMO. EMO BAD FOR TYSON! EMO BAD FOR TYSON! STOP BEING A FUCKING PRE-PUBESCENT SCHOOL GIRL YOU LITTLE WHINY SHIT! Whoa, that felt good. This whole living in my own tragedy thing is starting to piss me off too. Fuck it up its fucking ass. A whole load of whiny, weak, bewilderingly insane faux-emotions are just going to hold me back and mke me content to live with them. Some people have actualy reason to feel bad, and I respect that, but I sure as hell don't. Thats what this whole new template is about - my last one was too fucking gothy. I need to mess around with the chatterbox some more, but this is a start. So now, I officially renounce the emo-ness, at least until my next post.
So on to my favorite topic - me and the world revolving around me! Oh who am I kidding - that is the whole world! Hah! But let us see and delve into the fascinating world that is TYSON! Classes are now offcially over at school, which I really don't feel one way or the other about. I still have finals, and then I hop on a plane to Yale; so this whole longing for summer thing doesn't apply to me.
The only noticeable thing that it was the end of the year was the annual award assembly, which was suprisingly very good for me. I shared the english composition cup (Technically the Paul Jr. and Herbert Hall Bartlett Cup) for Juniors with Jimmy O'Keefe. They always give it to two juniors as unless this is a extremely limited Junior class, they have to have two english teachers teaching two different sections of AP English. Which means they considered Jimmy and I the best of the best in two oustanding sections - a major honor.
My taking two senior englishes that also happened to be taught by my normal english teacher helped as well I'm sure. But even more suprising, is that I won a character cup. These are cups awarded based on criteria like "scholarship, leadership, intellectual curiosity, athletics" and such. Mine was the Rymar Cup (or as Sam calls it, the "Samuel Ryan Memorial Cup") which is awarded to a junior based upon the first and third of those example options. As the school puts it - "to a junior who has displayed outstanding intellectual curiosity in a broad variety of academic disciplines while maintaining at least a B+ average" - that last part may seem like a stab by the administration, but this is a very old cup that began before grade inflation - when a B+ was an outstanding grade.
It saved my ass for this award at least. But my advisor was telling me about the process surrounding these awards, where the teachers all cast a vote for a student - each student that recieves one vote is put on the ballot for further consideration. Then they check whether they meet the requirements of a "B+" or "athletics" or whatever, and then cull the herd accordingly. After that, is what he terms "the most dreaded meeting of the year" - where the teachers essentially have to fight for the favorites and it gets incredibly awkward. Apparenty, whenever it looks like one kid may get it, one teacher will then being pushing for splitting the award, starting another whole row of controversey.
He told me that there was a big move to split the award this year, and he and another one of my teachers went on the warpath against that, saying it would be an injustice to me - which is just, wow. It's just incredibly cool to have faculty that care for me and believe in me and respect me so much. It's an amazing honor and a privilege that some people would ignore, but I love the faculty here.
Of course, as long as I keep getting awards, I can say I don't care and that they're stupid. But you take them away from me I will throw a hissy fit of catastrophic proportions. Ah, sweet self centered hypocrisy. Last night I was invited to Sam's Official Graduation Pary, which I went to after picking up his present a bit earlier than I expected. It was a great time - I got to hang out one last time with all my senior lunch buddies I (hope I) befriended over the year. I'm gonna miss them; truly a great group. And thats not emo, thats self-indulgent nostalgia, so hah! I mean seriously, who am I going to eat lunch with now? My own grade - not likely! But I also got to hang out afterhours with Mr. Young and Nina, Mr. Christian and his wife, among others.
It was nice to talk shop with them out of school - refreshing in a way. 'Meeting' Sam's family (they already knew my name) and seeing his house was cool too - a blessed group indeed. Having all these adults whom I didn't know shake my hand and congratulate me on my awards was cool too. But yeah - I may only see these seniors two more times - commencement and graduation. After that I leave, and I don't know if I'll see them again until Thanksgiving.
So good luck to you all, its been a great year. Boring, yet Important Unless something really strikes me as the most important thing in the world at this moment, I'm thinking of revising this section. I spend far too long writing what are essentially awkward copy and paste summaries. I end up linking to more informative sites, so I'm thinking I'm going to make this more like "Emma's Good News Journal" - brief summaries and links to the related issue. If something really is heads and above the singular issue of the moment, I'll go back to the old way. If this change is welcome or not, or more importantly, if anyone cares, feel free to post a comment or chatterbox statement.
Personally, I feel people should be well versed in all of these events. -The European Commission has lifted a five-year moratorium on genetically modified produce, by allowing the sale in Europe of one type of modified corn. But the battle by producers of such crops to win governments and consumers acceptance is far from over. As more studies have been completed on the effects of GM crops, the green lobbys case against them has weakened. Little evidence has emerged of health risks from eating them. And, overall, the studies have shown that the environmental effects of modified crops are not always as serious as the greens claim.
Nevertheless, environmentalists continue to find fault with such studies and argue that they are inconclusive. If GM foods can be accepted by the industrial nations of the world, than more effor can be put into producing them by the third and first world alike. Brazil, a saudi arabia like center of the commodities exchange world, is already using some GM soybeans. GM foods may be one of the keys to reducing global hunger and malnutrition - bigger crop yields and much more needed nutrients - they can even be specifically tailored for the destined countries' needs, to some extent.
Read more urlLink here , at my favorite source. -Arab leaders concluded a two-day summit in Tunisia on Sunday by agreeing to embark on a path of reform "according to our own culture and terms of reference," Tunisia's foreign minister said. The leaders also condemned the occupation of Iraq and abuse of Iraqi prisoners by U.S. troops, and they called for a resumption of Palestinian-Israeli peace talks.Arab League Secretary-General Amre Moussa said there was no discussion of deploying Arab troops in Iraq before a new U.N. resolution and a sovereign Iraqi government are in place. "Arab forces cannot be part of an occupying force," Moussa said. Yahia responded that on the issue of reforms -- human rights, women's rights and democratic processes -- the leaders acted for "the future of our societies" and "not at the request of anybody. " "It has been done in a way that it is homegrown process, because the reforms are from within the countries," he said. "First, we must address this issue internally. We are not going to interfere in the sovereign decisions of each country.
Read more urlLink here . - A quick opinion article on the state of oil and the world economy from the Economist. The full article it refers to is for suscribers only, and its to much risk to post my name and password for one article. Check it out in the print edition. This leader provided enough of the basics - how output is not the problem, as everyone but Saudi Arabia is already working at full capacity. Neither is increasing consumption the real problem, as America and Europe still consume far more than China and the like. The real problem has to do with speculation mostly relating to the threat of terrorist attacks. Oil firms in Saudi Arabia have already recieved some minor bruises, but if anything serious ever happens - one can expect to see a situation that is actually similar to the 70's oil scare, complete with stagflation - high inflation and low growth. Contrary to popular belief, not much harm has been done to the world economy as of yet - lusty growth is still the name of the game.
The ones most hurt are those with growing industry and less efficiency - like India.
Read more urlLink here .
Theres always more to keep your eyes on - a Rebel attack in Kashmir killed 33, Prime Minister Singh first 'crisis that will be indicative of his future response; Medicare cards are off to a rocky start; Israel's new raids into the Gaza, the largest in years, killing many and demolishing hundreds of houses, making the situation look less and less ike a ticking time bomb and more like a very slow, but powerful explosion - but thats enough for now.
Emma's Good News Journal -Devices that synchronize the two halves of the failing heart and shock hearts that falter cut the risk of death by more than one-third, a study reports today. The study, called Companion, involved 1,520 patients with heart failure, progressive weakening of the heart muscle. It is the first major test of dual-chamber pacemaker defibrillators in patients with heart failure from all causes. The devices cut deaths plus hospitalizations by 34%.
Read more urlLink here .
-The World Bank Board of Directors today agreed that the Bank will manage the implementation of the C.A.P.E. Biodiversity Conservation and Sustainable Development Project in South Africa to the tune of a US$9 million grant drawn from a total grant of US$11.32 million approved by the Council of Global Environment Facility (GEF) in May 2003. The United Nations Development Program (UNDP) is involved with implementing the remaining part of the grant. The Biodiversity Conservation and Sustainable Development Project will support South Africa's efforts to conserve the Cape Floristic Region, the smallest and most threatened floral regions of the world.
It will build on the very successful Cape Strategy and Action Plan (C.A.P.E. ) which was developed with GEF resources through the World Bank in 2000.
Read more urlLink here .
-A well-preserved graveyard possibly 1,000 years old has been discovered at an archeological complex of Inca and pre-Inca temples on the outskirts of the Peruvian capital, experts said on Wednesday. Archeologists this week unearthed the remains of 30 people, including 19 still intact as mummies, dating from between 1000 and 1500, making them some of the oldest mummies ever found in Peru.
Read more urlLink here .
-The world's health leaders formally adopted a global strategy to combat bad diet and exercise habits Saturday, part of a wave of determination to fight diseases such as obesity, diabetes and cancer.The voluntary plan offers a blueprint for countries trying to develop policies that make it easier for people to eat healthier food and exercise more.
Diseases linked to poor diet cause more than half of all deaths worldwide and are becoming an increasing problem in poor countries. Read more urlLink here -Rival Somali warlords on Saturday agreed a tentative step forward in a peace plan designed to restore order to a chaotic country where lawlessness has raised international security fears. East African foreign ministers, who have been seeking to shepherd a Somali deal, said representatives from close to 40 factions would now move to a final phase of peace talks.
Read more urlLink here .
And thats it for now. Man, I spend way too much fucking time writing this trite, and the time invested reflects nothing on the quality. Crap - oh well, it gave me time not to study for finals. 
