  No seriously, I really am like this I have a hive. On my left wrist, the inner part, the one which displays all your veins and the area most often used to kill yourself.
It is the most itchy part of my body right now that I am afraid to keep scratching because the skin is so thin that I might draw blood, so I am running it under cold water, that usually helps. In other unrelated news, I am trying to learn how to sew from my mom, and can't. My brain no longer can grasp new concepts and I can no longer claim on my resume that I am "a quick learner". I officially suck! She tried to teach me how to knit last year and I couldn't do it then either. I think I am getting old and my ability to learn new things has disappeared. See I know this for a fact cause when I was 7 my grandmother taught me how to knit like nobody's business and I was good.
I used to only knit scarves (come on now I was only 7) but dammit they were nice scarves. Now, well now I can't even hold the needles properly. I wish I could blame this on a glamorous life filled with late night drinking and weekend drug binges in a scummy downtown Las Vegas motel, but I can't. I am simply and boringly (if that's even a word) blame it on old age. Woe is me....sigh.... 
