  .......I mean, you always talk about how you'd do anything for certain friends - even help hide the bodies - but I mean, how much respect do you have for someone who could possibly do that to someone and how much respect do you have for the cops that may put someone away? So maybe it should be about respect. Yeah, that's it! By the way, I hope I'm not making any assumptions here, I dont really know much about your life except for what I read on the blogs, but it SEEMS you've changed a little over the years, no? ************************ There are two great topics to blog about today. I could go the respect route or the " how much has Fish changed route". I will try to integrate the two as best as possible. Have I changed over the years?? Yes. As to how much; you will never understand how much.
Everyone in life changes from one unique way to the other. In which direction the change takes them-it's on them. I did the typical ghetto shit and suffered the consequences. I will never blame anyone but myself. I fucked up and did stupid shit and I am paying for them. I made seriously bad choices - Never finished college - Engaged in more violence then the average Iraqi citizen - Justified my actions under the " Friendship" umbrella. - Broken more hearts then I really needed too - Lost the respect of my parents - Managed to get a record; therefore shitting on my chances of ever running for office. - Hated more then loved The one thing I have always hated is when a black person starts talking shit about being opressed and slavery and all that shit that happened 400 years ago. I barely like thinking about my past which was about 5 years ago. Thing is, I learned from that past. The worst moment of my life was walking out of Jail to a waiting mother and father; the look on my fathers face broke my heart.
He raised a failure. Now, if you know me, you know I have 7 fingers. You would think the worst moment of my life was when I lost them and spent 33 days in the hospital. Kinda strange if you ask me. I never had a chance to think about much after facing 60 years to life for four attempts. You ever been in a situation where your life could be taken from you??? Not killed in a nice way; locked up? That shit puts your life in perspective. SO after about 10 years of carrying a gun everyday and finaly getting caught; no more of that shit for me.
I took the gun collection; threw them in a safe; stashed the safe behind some drywall and plaster; haven't looked back since. It's been since April 6, 1998 since I last touched my guns. I questioned this mentality of being a ghetto thug and keeping that respect in the streets. Was it respect or fear?? I don't know and honestly don't care. Slowly and methodically... I made my exit from around the way. I didn't hang that much; I stayed away from clubs; I stopped bouncing; I went with Oscar to read at an open mic for he won't have to do it alone.
Story plays itself to the present. I give respect as I want it returned to me; unconditionally. I have some people in my life that I respect and walk with them to the ends of the earth. There are some people that have loss my respect and I never gave them a second chance - fuck them. Some people have earned a right to a reconcilliation of sorts. Respect is a dangerous street with me too.
If I trust you and put you in a position that you have earned that trust and you fuck it up; I am making your life a shit fest. I have no qualms smacking you in front of everybody if you fucked up on me. That is ghetto but I am working on that. What I am high on is my business. If you know something about me and you choose to blab it to anyone after common sense tells you not too; you are threading thin water with me.
If it comes back to me and I know for a fact that only one person knows that certain thing; refer to previous comment about the smack. There is a code in the ghetto. You do your job and we do ours. Even though yours is to catch us; we will work as hard as possible not to get caught. 99% of the time a person gets caught is because of greed, poor judgment, stupidity. If you do get caught, pues, they are doing their job son. Call Fred [ neighborhood Lawyer} and hope he can get you off. The best cop to the worst thug will tell you........ " Respect from both sides is what makes this game workable " Did I answer the question?? I have no clue. I do have to make believe I am going to work Peace 
