  I thought I was done for the day Well, 11:00am to 1:30pm lunch hour and this is what happens........... 11 to 12 was a waste of my fucking time... Not the point..... I walk..........headed to Central Park to clear my head that has been quite volatile lately. I walk into this park that is the greatest park in NYC. I feel strangely out of place. I feel like if I don't belong. Beautiful lake with at least 30 Mallard ducks staying in the shade. This caught me for a loop because the way I think of ducks as always swimming back and forth in the water. Along side the ducks, several pigeons. They seemed so happy to just stay in the shade with not one worry in the world.
I still feel out of place. I walk...... ........ along this path and I sat on the bench that was dedicated to " Anne Marie " from Marie and Joe. The spot where it seemed that no one wanted to sit was the bench I chose. In front of me, three little old ladies drawing on canvass. Seeing them draw and converse amongst themselves was enjoying. They seem to take their art as their life and in looking at them, I saw myself enjoying the art that I was gifted with. With every stroke of the old ladies hands, I attached a word to that stroke. I used words like " soft, gentle, assuring ". With every moment that she stopped in order to see her work being born, I used words like " Happy, accomplished, meaning ".
I was writing to their work and I felt truly......... inspired. I felt at peace. I felt like I finally know what I am. Without even realizing it, the struggling writer was born in the backdrop of Central Park with three little old ladies being my light at the end of a confused tunnel. Such desire to make perfection with their strokes, my words are " my " perfection. Words are " My " life.
I shed a tear. in central park being alone and thinking, I cry. Why? I wish I could say. I just want things better around me. I can only carry just so much positivity. June 27th 2003...... Welcome to the world, Fish, the writer. ummmmmm........ I am kinda sorry for being somewhat judgemental of certain people. If I have brushed you the wrong way lately, I am sorry. This weekend will be my weekend where decisions will be made. I can't procrastinate no longer. Tuesday's blog will be one to remember...... Have a great weekend. Peace, Love, Take care Fish >)))"> 
