  A Restless Heart Looking For Peace The past few months, I have had time to reflect and learn more about the person who I am with the most--myself. I started out disgusted with who I had become. We all have those fantasies and thoughts when we are younger of what we will be like when we're older.
I can still remember being about 10 years old, being so thrilled to have a double digit age. It excited me so much of what high school and being a teenager were all about, though I still had a few years to be there. But it was fun just imagining the possibilities and planning my future. Now that I'm here--the whole teenager/high school realm--I'm not sure I like it that much.
In fact, I am positive that most times it absolutely sucks. And that scares me because as eager as I am planning for my future, I don't want to be disappointed again. Is the rest of my life going to be like this? I know that my problems in the big scheme of things seem insignificant to an onlooker, but to me, this is all I know. My life--right here, right now. It is a big deal because as I see the days, months, and years passing ever so quickly, the more I desire for a better life.
And I am creating a better life. But it seems like everything I am doing isn't satisfactory to me. Maybe it's that I need to change my sights and goals, but I seriously don't think that the things I am working for are that outlandish. And while it has been hard learning that there's no such thing as perfection and that everything is not always black and white, shouldn't I only desire the best for myself?
But just those crucial realizations I have made--and there are many more--are great acheivements. Some people live their whole life before realizing what I have already learned. And for that I am blessed. To have opprotunities to discover these things. That in itself is a big accomplishment. But I always want more...my heart is restless. 
