  with some spare time, i bring you all this post. a bunch of things are happening all at once, but unfortunately, i can't say most are of the highest quality. a wake, reminders of those passed, and a future lonely school year just aren't the things that make you jump up with enthusiam. it's probably me thinking about focusing on the negatives too much. whatever it is, it sucks. i really wish people (who for the most part have higher numbers in age) would keep their opinions to themselves about amber and i. sorry i wasn't concentrating on amber leaving for college to ruin my day, but no worries, you've changed all that. i don't give a damn what everybody else has to say about us and our situation, because it's for us to decide. today my mom and i made a b-line for my grandma's grave out of nowhere. we dropped off some nice flowers but i finally had come to feel some closure on that area of my life. i've had about a million people bring her death up the past weekend. it's not a subject i'm comfortable with yet, still doubtful for a long while. when you miss someone like that, it's just not easy to talk or think about it. i know i'm just complaining but things seem to be on the downside lately. not even horribly tragic events, little things that give a sense of some massive conspiracy against one's self.
for example i couldn't go with amber to aurora farms in the company of her sister because i promised my mom i'd be home at 6 to eat a homecooked meal. well amber understands but her sister sure didn't. so after going there to pick her up i become informed that her sister is flipping out and she's going to attend to the shopping trip.
i don't understand why people can't let others do what they want. it was gay. and i'm not mad because i understand the circumstances. they just blow. maybe tonight or tomorrow will find me with more passion for life. we'll see. hope everything is on your side for the time being. i hope for a change in me. 
