  Another long chat over big salads, as Mark and I talked about him, his ex Joe. After a couple weeks of seeing no real effort on his part to take action regarding Joe- either to stay or go, and then a couple of weeks of frustrating conversation with him as he talked one way and acted another (all of which I've written about here in annoying detail), we had a good talk where we were able to nail down some things.
We also had a fruitful conversation about fears that he has about becoming more independent. Even if they do get back together, I think Mark and Joe will spend some time living apart. Mark wasn't a kept boy but he entered that relationship when he was very young, so the prospect of moving out on his own and being fully responsible for himself has been daunting. He's wound himself in layers upon layers of questioning about how to proceed, so I used my "good friend" status to step into the middle of it and try to give him a clearer view of that. I'm not Mr. Advice, nor do I play such a character in real life. But we spent some time talking about how he might systematically work through these issues; how to think through and develop a step by step process for moving in with friends, finding an apartment, getting a new job that pays more, getting his own car, etc.
It was the best conversation we've had about all of this crap in several weeks. I'm an over-analyzer with the best of them. Fuck, I write long entries in this journal about all kinds of things that others spend much less time thinking about. But, I've always believed there comes a time when you have to act. Thought shouldn't go round and round without end.
At some point, a plan gels. Possible actions and consequences begin to become clear. It's like the business mantra that meetings need to be about something, that they need to lead to something actionable. I can't rule Mark's life; I have enough of my own to deal with. But I can help him out a little bit with some of his fears about what's ahead. And I can get myself out of their relationship mess because the last thing those two need is more complications. You know what? There's nothing like walking into a room that's a mess and putting it in order.
Life is never that simple, but that doesn't mean we can't impose some kind of order on it. And I've imposed the order that I feel is necessary so I can feel good about things and so Mark and Joe can try to make another go of it, if they want. This was actually the easy mess to clean up. Next, I have to do my taxes. 
