  We're expecting snow today, the second snow event of the winter season. Since I've already written about the urlLink first one , I won't ramble on. It will be 5-7 inches of snow where I live, which is a moderate amount. It was expected to start sometime overnight, but that hasn't happened. And now, this morning's forecast says "snow today. " Apparently, forecasting is becoming less like prediction and more like a Homeland Security terror alert, which boils down to "something might happen or maybe it won't.
" The risk of snow is "Elevated" and later today it might be "High. " The risk of me not finishing the reading for my class today is "High" unless I get busy. There's a trip to Washington booked for next week. I'm looking forward to it, since the last time I was there was way back in July. I miss DC. A lot.
Perhaps it's more correct to say I miss a city. Not any big city. Let's put it this way: I miss living in a northeastern city that is a center of power. That whittles it down to New York City and Washington. I wrote a couple years ago here that I felt my time in this reasonably-sized, relatively cultured midwestern college town was about up and as time goes on, I feel it more than ever. I'm not sure why I feel this way, except that I've always wanted to be near the center of things.
So like a Leo, right? Whatever. I want to be near decisionmakers, policymakers, opinion leaders... people who are doing things that have a wide-ranging impact on other people's lives. Now, you can find people like that everywhere, but in a bigger city like DC, the sheer number is overwhelming compared to Muncie, Indiana, for instance. hmmm... this isn't going the way I want it to. I'm finding it hard to explain why it is that I feel drawn to a city like DC.
Let me try it this way: painting a picture of the kind of life I'd like to live, something we all do quite often. Here's my "American dream:" A high profile media job in Washington, DC; a condo in a cool townhouse on the northern edge of the Dupont Circle neighborhood, with the subway close by, the grocery store a few blocks down the street, no car... oh, and of course, a puppy. The thing about that dream is that it's not impossible. I'm not trying to become an astronaut or a world-famous surgeon. What I want is generally attainable. But what I think I've done for a long time is think about the dream without taking much action to see how that might be possible.
I've also been slow to act because I'm generally happy with life as it is. To the extent that I can, I've created my own little urban oasis in my own city with a loft downtown, across the street from a cafe, bakeshop, jazz club, general store around the corner, bus stop in front of my window. But all the pieces aren't in place. For instance, more people. Kind of hard to make that up. And power, the intangible.
I want to be closer to people who are writing and thinking important things and while there are some out here, there are more there . I think the gay part of me (and that's a large part) reaches out to the city, too. I want to be around more people like me and more who aren't like me at all. The Gay Ghetto beckons, not because I plan to take part in some poor sap's stereotypical nightmare of Gay Life-- too many circuit parties, too many drugs, too much sex, too much shallowness-- but because I am an urban being. I will never live in a quiet suburb away from downtown where there are no sidewalks. I'll never own a ranch-style home.
I'd rather not own a car anymore. I don't even really want a summer home in the Hamptons or a time share in Rehoboth. I want a condo in a cool Washington neighborhood. Some people dream like this and then use it as fodder for depression about why they're not there. I don't. In fact, dreaming my desired future in this way not only helps me decide what I want to strive for; it also helps me discover the kind of person I am.
Which is probably why writing about these thoughts always comes across as flat. This little essay seems merely aspirational to a reader; perhaps absurd. That's my fault. I've run out of words to describe the essence of myself and the person I want to become. 
