  Sat down tonight for dinner with Matt and M, another mutual friend of ours. The conversation turned to gay marriage and the ruling in Ontario... as well as the signal from Ottawa that gay marriage will soon be legal in all of Canada. M has been in a relationship for 7 years... plenty of time to get some sense of perspective on things. So I asked him if he and his partner have marriage on the to-do list. Probably not, was his response. M and his partner are independent guys. Both have successful, notable, established careers. In seven years, they've solidified as a couple; they have a home, they have a joint checking account, etc. I'm always looking for models that match where I am. And these models of couples who maintain a solid core with divergent interests is highly appealing. I'm an independent guy. I'm a loner. I enjoy the company of myself, a good book, or my computer to write, or a cup of coffee outdoors at a coffee shop on a warm sunny day. The time alone is the time in which I regain my sense of direction and focus. I enjoy it so much that any decision to date has always been accompanied by a careful thought process about the independence I would be giving up.
When I write about wanting a boyfriend, I get mail from guys telling me I'm trying too hard to find someone... and I think, you people have no idea how wrong you are. If I was in a long-term relationship, I wonder if I would hesitate to get married or have a commitment ceremony. I think you can do either of those two things and still remain an independent person, of course.
And there is a public aspect of either ceremony that's appealing to me. I like the accountability of the ceremony; the call to the community to support the union. But marriage carries with it the weight of a civil contract-- at least where it's legally recognized. Do I want that? I don't know. I can say this... I want power of attorney; I would want my partner legally recognized as my heir; if we adopted, I'd want both the parents' names on the certificate. For me, it's largely an academic issue at this point... but it's a good exercise. In getting more in touch with the kind of guy I am, I'm discovering some keys to what I want from a relationship, when one comes my way. 
