  my heaving bosom,  your throbbing manhood -  a romance novel by ferclyn jarrucci table of contents chapter one:  our accidental meeting,  which i happened to arrange chapter two:  i wouldn't even use the toilet,
 for fear that i would miss your call chapter three:  our first date and my lack of panties chapter four:  please tell me that was your sister i saw you out with last night chapter five:  the possibility that you may be tonguing your sister kind of disturbs me chapter six:  you confess to having a wife,  which you can't leave due to the fact that you share a buick chapter seven:  i befriend your wife and encourage her to take up smoking,  which,  as we all know,  will eventually kill her chapter eight:
 i wait chapter nine:  i wait chapter ten:  i wait chapter eleven:  i meet your brother,  who also has a penis chapter twelve:  your jealousy of me,  your brother,  and various imagined positions drives you over the edge,  and you have to take up macrame just to get your mind off of everything chapter thirteen:  a detailed chapter on macrame projects for the beginner chapter fourteen:
 i apply my eyeliner in a slightly different fashion,  which makes me even more desirable chapter fifteen:  you replace your wife's cigarettes with thin,  white vials of cyanide,  as to speed up the process and get that buick chapter sixteen:  i dump your brother,  who,  being fat,  understands chapter seventeen:  we're inside a buick and into the sunset epilogue:  colon cancer,  the mysterious villain within 
