  Rant Why am i typing?  i have no clue,  other than i love the sound that this keyboard makes.  its so cool!  but its really sensitive and the backspace is like,  way over there and its small so i keep hitting the backslash accidentally,
 haha.  im so bored.  i need something to dew.  my skewl site is down,  so no skewl today either.  and theres absolutley no one online on my laptop.
 stupid ppl that actually go to skewl.  they make me cry.  jessica dyed my hair RED,  not purple,  RED * sulks*
 stupid colour- blind pplz!  * coughcoughBYRONcough*  speaking of whom hes coming over after skewl today as far as i know.  thats not very far,
 but still,  i know wat i mean. i think. meh.  i love this program!  no lil squggles under the words that are spelled wrong!
 no spellcheck!  i can dew WATEVA I WANT!  MUAHAHAHA!  lol,  i scare me sumtimes.  owell.
 im too used to msn,  i keep pressing enter when im done a sentence,  lol.  im such a freak.  how am i ever gonna get this to my blog if im over here?  im on the wrong comp to be dewing this.
owell,  ill find a way.  Hey!  my heat died!  * cries*
 i want it back!  not fair!  =  =  actually,  no i dont want it back,
 its really really really hot in this room.  the temp was sposed to DROP so what does dad dew?  he turns the heat WAAAAAAAYYYYYY up.  * dies*  x.
x U know wat?  im fucking sick and tired of my father calling me a goddamned lier ( woah,  that was a topic change.  but i am.  every day hell say something,
 and ill remind him of it later and hell be like i never said that!  dont lie to me,  i dont want u to lie to me,  be honest,  ur such a little lier,  etc,
 etc.  It gets really really annoying.  and they wunder y i like Adam's Song by Blink 182.  " I never thought Id die alone,  I'll laff the loudest,
 whod have known?  " I'm too depressed to go on,  ull be sorry when im gone.  they suc shit if they dont see how well that fits my life.  i have like no friends anymore,
 but thats ok,  that dont really bugg me that much.  what does is that the friends that i have laff when they hear me complain about my father.  I know hes like stupid and insane and shit,  but its really really annoying when ppl tell u to let out ur feelings and not keep them all bottled in,  but then u tell them whats bugging u and theyre all like 'oh hes just crazy' or 'hes an asshole' and then they change the subject.
 u know,  ppl say that when kids grow up wiht ppl putting them down all the time,  they grow up to be abusive. does almost trying to put ur fist thru a wall count as abusive?  i wunder if the changer left a bruise where he hit me with it. or when he pushed me for that matter.
owell,  too late,  theyd be gone by now,  that shit was like last week.  this week there could be fists involved for all i know.  i dont really care anymore.
 its all shit.  hey,  my heat is back,  yay.  my life sux.  someone kill me.
 im such a fucking loser,  everyone thinks im always so happy and shit,  but i never really am.  id kill myself,  but a) im a loser and im a chicken cuz i hate pain b)
that would just prove to dad that hes right,  and hed be a lot happier without me around c) i dont think that it would go over too well with my friends.  Byron was all suicidal b4 i met him,  and he found this quote thingie.  it said something along the lines of 'suicide is not a choice,
 it is what happens when pain overcomes resources for coping with pain. ' well guess what,  there is always a choice.  always.  and if i ever was gonna commit suicide,  then it would be my choice.
 even adams song says so " the choice was mine i didnt think enuf"  im like obsessed with that song.  but yeah,  it would be my choice,  and the more time goes by the worse my father acts,
 and the better that choice seems.  look at it this way.  If u grew up with a nice father,  and mother,  and a big brother,  but then ur brother moved out,
 then got in trouble witht he cops and hadda move back in,  then ur father starts forgetting shit,  small things,  then big huge fucking IMPORTANT things,  and ur mother was in the hospital,  ur father almost dies cuz hes to stubborn to take his ass to the hospital when he has double pneumonia,
 ur mother starts having heart palpitations from all the fucking stress at home and work,  ur mother also decides to go for surgery,  having u worried half to death,  she has a few breakdowns,  u have a few breakdowns,  ur father buggz every single one of ur friends that walks into the house,
 and then buggz u all day every day when theyre gone,  at skewl,  y arent they here?  y dont ur friends come over?  they should be here helping u with this or that.  i HATE it,
 y cant he just leave me alone?  its sooo damned annoying.  then again,  mom also dropped a bit of a bomb on me a while ago.  i knew that when daves dad left she took dave and went out west looking for him.  appairently she found him.
 but it didnt dew any good.  so.  they came back to guelph and settled in.  then dad met mom,  and they moved in together.  now.
 heres the thing.  my father is a fucking ass control freak.  you wouldnt believe the shit that he does.  if im not home right on time he sends mom out to drive around and look for me.  then he gives me an hour long lecture about y i shouldnt be late.  if im not up right when he sayz in the morning,
 i get screamed and bitched at to get my 'fat ass outta that bed' and how ill never be a vet if i cant get out of bed in the morning.  well guess what shit head,  i will get out of bed when i fucking want to,  i dont need some gay ass fucking old man to tell me when to wake up.  if i have ot get outta bed for something,  i will,
 but if theres no reason to and i havent been sleeping well,  then FUCK OFF.  i cant listen to the music i like unless its so quiet that he cant hear it,  and its such a small house that if HE cant hear it then neither can i!  jesus.  it pisses the shit outta me,
 i like the music that i like,  and i dont care if no one else in this house does.  ill listen to it as loud as i want when im in my room,  i dont care if u can hear it.  if theres a song i like on tv and i turn it up for ONE song,  then piss off and let me hear it!
 if i dont dew everything his way,  then i get bitched at and threatened.  like litterally,  threatened.  like 'im gonna blast ur fat face off if u dont. ' litterally,
 hes said that.  i get called a bitch,  a fat slob,  an asshole,  a jackass,  a stupid idiot,
 a loser,  a lier,  etc,  etc.  well anywayz,  ,
 the piont is that he was MORE controlling when he was living with my mother b4 i was born and they were married.  well.  mom got really pissed at his controllingness and she took david and went to grammas for like a week,  and told dad to get his stuff out and go.  which he did.  and that was good.
 well,  he weaseled his way back by helping out with little things,  staying for supper,  he got snowed in once and slept on the couch,  and eventually,  he and mom were back together.
 then there was me,  and they got married.  mom told me that shes thought of just taking me and leaving,  which i dont have any problem with,  none whatsoever,  but we cant go anywhere.
 we cant go to grammas cuz mom promised not to drop her kids there,  that shed sort out her own problems.  we cant stay anywhere in guelph,  or with anyone that dad knows,  cuz hed forget the reason that we left and would be calling all over guelph looking for us.  mom wouldnt stay with any family at all,
 im sure.  and im not allowed to verbally tell anyone this,  but like,  she wants me to keep stuff bottled in,  but she tells me not too,  a bit of a conflicting message there.
 moms been getting some information shit at her work and shes taken my father to the doctors office,  and they think that either hes had a mild stroke or hes getting alzheimers,  so hes going in for a CT scan sumtime.  i really dont care.  that sorta scares me,  cuz i usta love hanging out with dad and fooling around and going places,
 but now i just dont care at all.  i dont think mom loves him.  she doesnt seem to.  things that he does that she used to ignore,  she now expresses her disgust almost as clearly as i dew.  theres something going on that i dont know about too.
 mom came out to the car crying last saturday and she cried for the whole drive to the barn,  and ten minutes after we were there,  but she wouldnt tell me what was wrong.  i still cant figure it out,  and i dont wanna press her for anything cuz then ill get yelled at.  dad keeps calling her an asshole and a bitch too,
 and then he calls ME more stuff if i try to stand up for her.  they had a fight on the way to the doctors office and also IN the docs office,  but i still dont know what about.  They fight about me a lot of the time.  how everything i dew is bad or wrong and how everything is my fault.  How im so much worse then my father's other kids,
 and how shitty i act,  and how im such a frreak cuz i dont go to highskewl like the rest of my friends.  theyve been fighting about a lot of other stuff too,  but i dont know what all because they keep their voices fairly low.  sometimes.  ive been being a huge chicken and running over to jessicas house when things get bad.
 we'll go out for subs or whatever,  and ill be able to forget ( or pretend to forget)  all the crap thats been going on.  ( I'm getting pretty damn good at pretending all sorts of dhit,
 i dew it often enuf.  pretemd my life isnt shit,  pretend my parents dont fight,  pretend that i still have a lot of friends,  pretend that im happy all the time,  pretend that things dont bother me.
but anywayz.  We spend litterally almost entire days walking around guelph.  just walking around,  not really dewing anything.  I had to go home early from her house a few times too becuase some asshole called like five billion times while i was still asleep,  wanting to know where i was!
 wunder who THAT coulda been.  yeesh.  ive gone home once too cuz dad called linda frangoes ( family friend)  for some reason,  and on the fone,
 he broke down and started crying and muttering sumthing about mom.  from what she could understand,  which wasnt a lot,  he was totally convinced that mom was out with another guy.  that she was cheating on him.  he would not accept the fact that she was at WORK.
 so linda foned mom at work and told her what was going on,  and she went home early and so i had too to.  hes such an asshole cuz apairently hes thought this for quite a while.  my mom is not a slut,  nomatter what he thinks.  hes such a fucking GAYLORD!
 arg.  i keep calling him shit here cuz i cant in real life or hed either punch me in the face,  or bitchslap me,  not sure which.  u know what?  tylonal doesnt hurt.
 neither does ibuprofine.  ill keep those in mind,  theyre both almost new bottles.
