  urlLink I don't know what it is,  but I feel like I am in a dark hole. nbsp;  Everything is bothering me,  I am sensitive and just want to cry. nbsp;
 Reality check? nbsp;  No,  I am not pregnant,  but I feel so hormonal! nbsp;
 I hope this passes soon. nbsp;  Yesterday,  I took my dog for a 1. 7 mile walk with hopes that would help. nbsp;
 It was sunny out,  but it didn't feel like it. nbsp;  It was surreal and gloomy to me regardless.  Lately I have been worrying a& nbsp;
LOT about my life down the road -  wondering where I will be in ten or fifteen years. nbsp;  It has been on my mind a lot.  It's like it hit me like a ton of bricks,  if I don't have children -
 what will I be doing? nbsp;  Will I be alone? nbsp;  My parents are older,  my dogs are older -
 my closest relatives are older -  my whole life as I know it will die away from me. nbsp;  That makes me SO SAD! nbsp;  I can't stop thinking about it.
nbsp;  I love them all so much and all I see in front of me is loss after loss.  Then I think should I have children? nbsp;  Do I want children?  &
nbsp;  I don't particularly find this a pretty and inviting world so for those reasons a child would not excite me. nbsp; nbsp;  I am not proud of the world in which we & nbsp;
live -  though my own personal home for a child would be quite good in comparison to most. nbsp;  I would enjoy caring for it and loving it -  but there is so much more to it than that. nbsp;
 Plus,  my one dog won't let me have children,  he'd be too intolerable and I'd risk injury -  and with that,  I couldn't bring a child into this world until his natural life expires and at that time,  I could be 45!
nbsp;  I just can't make him pay the ultimate price. nbsp;  No way,  Hose ! nbsp;
 I am confident I would resent my child for it over the years. nbsp;  It's not a pretty situation so I might not even have that choice.  And then my vicious wacko neighbor keeps cutting more branches and shoving them into my bushes. nbsp;  Call me hot-
headed but I am so sick of it,  I have been digging them out and throwing them back at her. nbsp;  She only repeats and I do the same. nbsp;  I am sick of that beast.
nbsp;  The other day I saw my pine tree from the lot line. nbsp;  It's a half- pine- tree.
nbsp;  She has legally and within her rights,  clopped off her half practically to the trunk which is near the lot line. nbsp; nbsp;  Ughhh.
 This is so unlike me!
