  Ahhh, I actually have my own blog somewhere, not that i know where it is or even what it's called or how to get into it, so this, besides my little unread notebook, is my new forum for whining or bitching or whatever it is that I do that makes people despise me.
That was not exactly relevant to anything at all, but I felt the need to alienate anyone who reads this with personal and inside knowledge that they would never understand (much less understand why I took the time to mention it). So I've been on this faux "health" kick lately which has done me absolutely no good in that I still have a large beer belly and feel shitty about myself as compared to all the slim chic looking gay guys strutting around here.
I've now found a job though, not that you even may have known I was unemployed, or that I even existed, and it's pretty shitty, but I'm really sick of looking for jobs and whoring myself out in that fake "yes, I AM good with people" presentation so I'm going to at least live with it till my first check, maybe in the mean time I'll find some inspiration to actually email my resume out to prospective employers.
I feel particularly unimportant here, which can be good, and bad, seeing as I have one friend and if we fight then I have nothing else to turn to, which at times seems as though it could lead to disaster, but, oh well, fuck it. I've been thinking about being homeless alot, like, what would I do? How would I stay warm, how would I eat, etc. Some times it doesn't seem so hard, it's just the whole having a place to actually lay down and sleep thing that bugs me.
I don't know why I think about it so much, actually, I do, but I won't tell any strangers because I'm ultimately scared of pretty much everything, including criticism or even advice. So, otherwise, life isn't utterly horrible, and to here everyone else tell it, I'm extremely lucky. I don't feel that way though, being lonely and turning lazy, becoming bankrupt, though I'm not exactly too far away from the point I was before I moved.
I guess I'm sort of always this way, I'm "dysfunctional" emotionally, I just think I'm a pessimist, or at the most extreme, completely out of my mind. 
