  i was talking to my mom today. she feels like im maturing faster than everyone else my age. she says she wants me to slow down. but i was thinking..how? i cant help it. i feel like i need to prepare myself for the real world.
i told this to my mom..but all she said was that i was only 14 years old and still young. i told this to leo..and he said i need to just let loose and have fun before its gone. but like...i duno wat to feel let alone wat to do. so much pressure. like my parents are always telling me to get serious about school. and to go to a good college to get ahead in life...but then again i do that...they tell me to slow down...how does that work?
what to ppl want from me? AND THEN theres leo leaving for college. i cried. literally. i didnt tell him why though. but i couldnt help it.
i think im just sad bc i feel like hes going sumwhere ..which he is..in his life. and hes gona leave me behind..which he is. like i duno how to react...i know i should be happy for him. but then i hate the fact i wont be seeing him taht often. which sucks. like i knew hed be leaving high school and going to college.
but the last couple days it finally sunk in. hes gona be leaving me really soon. in like 2 months. i hate thinking about that. but its the fact. i have to.
thats the thing. i think the reason why i mature faster than my cousins or sum of my friends is bc ive been though stuff that they have to idea. like having sumone you care about very very much leave you. or being held up at gun point. or having your dad call you a problem child and wanting to push you out a window. or even having thier best friend talk shit about them.
and then tell the whole school. giving you the worst name you could possibly think. at least for a girl. or being used by ppl just for their own pleasure. ive actually met guys who want head..if they dont get it..they wont talk to you again. is it just me or is every good day followed by a bad day?
like my last entry talked abou the best day ever. seriously it was. but now i feel ....weird. i duno what i feel. but im starting to think its true. maybe theres a balance...good and bad...hmm.
it does make sense..or at least to me it does. but all the good days and good ppl you meet(ricky) make the bad days worth it. oh well. Leo called me and said were gona spend the whole tomoro together. were gona talk. i love this man.
i hate to see him down. and hes down when im down. so i guess i should work though this for him. and myself. no one wants to feel bad. i dont want anyone to feel bad.
i told him not to worry. but he said he cant help it. he likes me a lot. he says. i trust him. but why is it so hard to tell him im gona miss him?
maybe im not ready to let him go. 
