  So there's this thing called motivation, and I don't have any. I suppose it's fine; it's summer and if I want to I can sleep in all day. But I don't want to. There are things I want to do. I just don't know what. I think that this is the problem.
I feel empty, like I'm in a holding pattern, or I'm out of the loop, and then I wonder why I'm not motivated to do anything. It's probably that I don't know what I'm doing, so I'm not going to see the end goal. I had a fight with my mom yesterday. I was at Steve's, watching a movie with him and Eli, and she said she was going to pick me up at 9:00. Too early, but I try to make it easy, she's the one doing me the favor. Steve's street is set up so that there's a place that has his same address but it's a block up. Long story short, she drove around for an hour looking at me from 9:00-10:00. I don't know why this woman hates me. Hold on, let me clear my throat. I do. I am -not responsible -lazy -irresponsible -lazy -not responsible -bad -spoiled -lazy -irresponsible in her eyes.
Why don't you do this and that is all that she tells me. She wants her little boy back, I want to come back. But I can't, because everytime I make peace with her, I end up making things worse, and feeling like I'm wasting my time. So, here I go, off to try and meet your demands again. Let's see how long it lasts. -scs 
