  The weekend visit to my mom ended with the all too familiar drama that characterizes my family life. Friday, my mom was overjoyed to see me. We had our lines of communication mixed up and she thought I was going to arrive at a later time. While I waited for her to come home from the airport to pick up Adrian, I called my sister for a brief visit. I know now where she lives. Her condo was riddled with filth. Because I had just come from a 4 hour drive, the need to relieve myself was overbearing.
She directed me to my brother’s bathroom. It seemed to capture the odor reminiscent of his Purdue apartment. I couldn’t quite place the origin of this fragrant “Eww de Jay”. He kept say that it’s really pronounced “eau”. Torstoy looked a mess. He is in desperate need of a haircut and bath. His nails are longer than any dragonlady I’ve ever seen featured in a magazine. Gross! Lucy seemed fairly active and happy, but both dogs were chubby. Poor babies. I took a peek into my brother’s bedroom. There is excrement indiscriminately scattered around his bed. I made the recommendation that he set up his bed in the living room.
The dogs are barred from that area. He stated that he felt it was dirtier. The whiteness of the carpet must have given him that impression.
Gross!
I couldn’t stay long because I had to meet up with my mom and Adrian for dinner. We ended up having sushi. We chatted for a bit and my mom lamented on the state of my brother and sister. She wants my brother to consider graduate school but is outraged at the notion that she would have to pay for it all.
The lack of a summer income for my sister causes her some amount of restlessness as well. She wanted me to talk to both of them. I told her it wasn’t my place and asked her what she thought could come of it. She sighed and left the conversation for a later time that night. After my mother had taken some sleeping pills, she came and talked to me for a bit. She went on and on about how depressed the looming insurance fraud investigation made her feel. She was apparently immobilized for two weeks over this matter (I can just imagine her lying in a fetal position in front of her plasma tv display). Even worse was the lack of communications between my siblings and her. She complained that they never called her anymore. Then she stated that she wanted to go far, far away. I vocalized my objection to this idea and told her she shouldn’t just disappear with no way of anyone to contact her. She acquiesced and said that she would tell me of her general info. Melodrama. She said that she washes her hands of the matter, but begged me to speak with them.
Saturday, we went and fixed up my car and grabbed some breakfast. Then we made a quick stop to Walmart and Petsmart (I offered to buy my sister’s dogfood). I hadn’t planned on spending a significant amount of time with my brother and sister but was dissuaded by my mom. They had no plans on leaving their virtual game and hang out or go to the movies, so I felt like I would be wasting my time. However, the dialogue there ended up being beneficial. My brother might hate me. I’m not sure. Sometimes he can be tricky, but I devoutly believe that deep down, he has a heart of gold. My sister only resents me. I can work with that. Surprisingly, they were both nice and even somewhat conversational. They paint quite a different picture than the one my mother tells. My brother tells me he didn’t really want to go to graduate school, but that my mother wouldn’t stop haranguing him about it, so he decided to goad her with financial obligations.
He’s not opposed to going to graduate school because that would be 4 years of sitting on his ass all over again, but this is not something he demanded as a personal goal. He has his sights on being an FDA inspector. Low pay, but excellent benefits. Living expenses are pretty much accounted for as well. What a great deal, eh? My mom told me she wants my sister to have a job, any kind of job, even one at a fast food chain. I told my mom disdainfully that even I would never consider such an option. I related the same to my sister. She tells me that my mom doesn’t pay for anything but tuition anyway, so where’s the pressing need? Indeed! After conversing with them, I have no idea what my mom has up her ass. They seem like they’re doing fine and dandy, except for the resentment they have towards the maternal figure.
It seems they don’t call her anymore because she has neverending litany of complaints. I could see that. I don’t like calling her because she’s always complaining about my sister and brother or somehow I end up getting in trouble for some contrived error I’ve unwittingly committed. After 3-4 hours of watching them play their video games/talking to them, I headed back over to my mom’s.
She and Adrian were watching TV on her bed. I sat by her side and recounted my visit. Basically, I told her that they seemed to be getting along fine and that I didn't think my intervention was necessary. I told her that I thought they would do quite well in their respective futures. She was not pleased with this info. Somehow the discussion got on a tangent about how could I think that video games were ok and how I never had the patience for such a thing when we were living together and that they’ve given her so much heartache, etc.
When the heartache word spewed out of her mouth, I took that as my cue to leave the room. I went to the bathroom to get ready for dinner and wipe my eyes. I too have resentment, and it comes out when she audaciously laments on the wrongs people (namely her kids) have committed against her. I suspect birth control makes me emotionally unstable at times. This is evident in the times when my ability to stop the flood of tears and color that rushes to my face are somewhat compromised.
I never thought I’d be this way. Damn the hormones. It pisses me off that she would dare speak of heartache. I firmly believe that she is no position to make such a complaint within my hearing. We went to dinner, but she was as cold as ever. She even tried to pick an argument with me by condemning my passing belief that Peterson was guilty.
On occasion she forgot herself and laughed, but that was rare. She abstained from eating and for the most part from dialogue. The prim manner in which she tightened her lips and the scornful scrutiny with which she directed at me really pissed me off. I managed to maintain my composure. That night, I took a long bath. Two sleeping pills later, my mom came to pay me a hazy visit. How tasteless. She managed to retain her aforementioned demeanor as well. We got into a tortuously time-consuming argument.
She mentioned something I had said earlier that probably hurt her. Some years ago, I told her that the saying that with absence, the heart grows fonder and that our relationship was more stable with infrequent visits. This is the truth. I miss her and love her, but she is poison to me. I can never give her what she desires. In anger, she will throw this back at me, but add in that she would like to make the absences very long. I told her I rarely see her as it is and berated her for her childish words. I told her I spoke the words out of honesty, but that her motives for speaking the words were out of anger and with the motive to hurt. I could not condone such a thing, but if she were adamantly possessed by the notion, that I could not stop her. I asked her what her motive was in telling me such a thing and that it seemed if she had made up her mind, that she should not tell me and just to do it; otherwise her motives are obviously maligned. She started going on tangents again and started speaking of my father. I don’t even know how he came up and asked her. She said that he doesn’t have to hear from us and that we should complain to him and ask him for stuff.
I asked her when was the last time I asked anything of her or complained to her. She envies our relationship with him. It is nonexistent. I told her if she behaved towards us the way he does that she would have no problem cultivating a relationship with us similar to the one we have with him. She said he was a smart man. She is a stupid woman. I told her she should be happy her kids are as stable as they are relatively speaking to their past.
I have no patience for her crap. She left after a lot more exchange, and I spent the rest of the night watching anime. I love the cartoon network. Sunday, Adrian asked if I would be interested in joining him for breakfast. But of course! I can never turn down food. We had an interesting discussion. She hasn’t changed at all (it’s a good thing that I live far away from her). She still cries for attention and help. I cannot be of service. We cannot be of service. I believe she’s done a great job of burning us all. He tells me that she speaks of taking her life or disappearing or never wanting to have been born. You can never be sure if she’s speaking in a figurative sense, but the meaning is the same. It is to find a conduit of escape from her present situation.
I won’t tell my sister and brother about this, but I find it troubling nonetheless. They would only have more ammunition to throw at her. The temptation is great, but I would like Adrian to have a better chance at making a relationship with my mother stick. She’s a sorry case, but she will not hurt me again. I would be happier for her when she finds peace. I was surprised to find that she still speaks to Joe. Interesting. Sunday, I got home early but spent the rest of the evening putting things away and lifting some weights. My arms are sore today. Work is ok. I’m rendering… 
