  well.  again.  my life.  its falling to pieces.  my head aches.  my body is sore.
 and everyone is in a bitchy mood.  ive been trying to stay positive for so long.  that quite frankly im exhausted.  exhausted from all the bullshit backstabbing and betrayal.  i love having friends who have my back.  i also love having friends.
 oh wait .  i did.  i have about three now.  but no big deal.  at least i can trust them.  at least they care about me.
 but .  for now ill pull that knife out of my back.  wipe that spit out of my eye.  lace up my shoes.  and keep on walkin'.  i guess thats all i have left.
 just the will to move on.  i have to .  i have nowhere else to go.  so.  heres to looking forward .  and while journeying towards that point drowning myself in music,
 books,  school,  and extracurriculars.  for me.  if im doing so much that i can't pay attention to the shit going down.  well its worth it.
 no matter how much stress .  sleep deprivation.  or mental exhaustion i go through.  becuase.  i would rather be exhausted.  than remember how shitty everyone can be to me.
 as they say.  ignorance is bliss.  and while.  yes ignorance is not a final solution.  i have one year left.  then im gone.
 i dont have to put up with any of this anymore.  and that is a solution.  so until then.  i will pretend everything is better.  i will pretend that my friends are all the same.  i will pretend that enjoy life.
 hell ill even do it with a smile on my face.  and outwardly.  yeah.  i do look positive.  that is what i push for.  i dont want to be a downer.
 i dont want to be just like everyone else. oh my life is so bad"  " oh im going to go drink and do pills cause i just cant handle it anymore"  but its hard to be surrounded by that attitude and keep mine up.  im not superhuman.
 im just a normal teenager with fucking normal emotional needs.  and no one can see that while i may be smiling on the outside.  on the inside its usually not the same case 
