  I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST DID.......I HAD THE UTMOST CLEAREST PERFECT WAY OF SAYING WHAT I WANTED TO AND I HIT THE WRONG FRIGGIN' BUTTON.....AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! OK- TAKE TWO......****CRIES***** I don't know if I can re-create this, or this feeling..... but here goes. Yesterday- all day- and even in the last few days, I've had a pensive intuitive feeling. This mood is hard to describe- I feel vulnerable, pensive...yet strong. Like a me against the world, that I am the only one I can count on. While that sounds depressed, it's not really- just pensive and very independent from others.
I also feel like something will happen here again in the US - by way of a terrorist attack. It's a kind of intuition, but what/when/how it will happen I have no idea. It's just a feeling. They detained a Muslim ASU (Arizona State Univ. ) student last week, I believe, who they thought was 'up to something'. It gives me an odd feeling; I've had friends that went to that school, and I almost went there, so I know it well (I was born and raisedin AZ and lived there for 25 years).
It's just a little close to home. There have been a couple of times when my husband was taking me to work that I have looked at a set of buildings downtown (the Embarcadero buildings- there's 4 of them, aptly named One Embarcadero, Two Embarcadero and so on) and I said, "I don't see these buildings being there very long". It was creepy and took hours for me to shake it off. I don't know why/how- earthquake? Terror attack? I only feel that about the 3rd & 4th Embarcadero buildings. Basically, these are skyscrapers that have shops that occupy the bottom 3 floors (starting at the street level). My post office is in the One Embarcadero. These are about 2 blocks from where I work. When I moved here, I planned on earthquakes, not terrorist attacks. Prior to 9/11, I didn't want to work in one of these skyscrapers downtown because of the earthquake factor. Post 9/11, it's because of the terrorist factor. I know, that in all reality, there's more chances of an earthquake than terrorists. BUT....wary me, I prefer to not take those chances. The building I work in now is a four story building- condos making up the top two floors.
I was watching Savage's show yesterday on MSNBC and he mentioned the Continental 777 plane that flew low over NYC (~2000 feet? ) and that people were calling 911 because they thought it was another terrorist attack. What is beyond me, is that it sound like it was a planned deal- the passengers were returning military personnel- so why didn't they put out a public notice about the event? A newspaper ad- full page- or have it on the news or radio? Of all places, people there *are* going to panic when they see something like that. Hell, I know of times when I've been walking from the office to the post office (I'm in San Francisco) to get my mail and saw low flying planes above the downtown area and I just stopped and held my breath. And I'm on the *opposite* coast and was nowhere near NYC when the tragic events of 9/11 occurred.
I can only imagine what some people thought when they saw this plane flying low over their city. I just thought it was really strange that they didn't warn people. FOX has also covered this story- it appears that the pilots were making a 'triumphant return' by flying around the statue of liberty and three loops around the city. It's really sad, because I (like many many others, I assume) cannot hear a plane flying overhead without looking to see if it's too low, making sure it's going in the right direction, etc.
It's just different now. I've been listening to Tori Amos' latest CD "Scarlet's Walk" more lately, and more closely as well. I think it's one of her best since 1996's "Boys for Pele". It's an emotional CD. My two favorites are "I Can't See New York"- you can see the lyrics and her comments of what the song means here . I love that song- it's just so poignant and full of emotion. I can't help but think of the people that suffered that day when I hear that song, and it reminds me of how short life can be and how important it is. Another song that I just love from that album is "Gold Dust" you can see the lyrics & comments here .
This CD came out not long before my husband and I took our road trip to AZ & TX to see our families for the Thanksgiving holidays. That song just totally summed up how I felt- "Sights and sounds pull me back down another year....I WAS HERE. " It's a ritual every year that we go- usually in the cooler months, and I just thought, wow, this really hits the nail on the head. I remember listening to that song in October and thinking of a woman at work who had breast cancer.
She died in very early November and that song was just so poignant. All the moments we have are like Gold Dust- they're precious and priceless- they cannot be relived except only in memory. It really puts perspective on things- to enjoy every moment we have, even the bad ones, and to never take anything for granted. Well, I think that was all I had said *before* I pressed the wrong button.....oh well. What's done is done. If I think of more, I'll add it later. 
