  Today's YF programme was Lifestyle talk: Sex and Relationships. Conclusion is that I am critical of relationships happening at my age. And I felt as though I've just been persuaded by someone that love is possible. I never did deny love though, no matter how hardened I am towards it, it still existent. And I can never deny the goodness in it. Yet, I seriously don't want to be bothered. Either way, someone spent his time telling all about the possibilty of love happening at anytime, any age, but I still can't be bothered.
I am not interested in knowing about love. It's a distraction to me now, so just let me throw it aside. I have a promise to God to keep. For five years, I shall not be distracted by such. Why talk about a relationship with another human being when I can't even get my relationship with God right. My spiritual life is like a desert now. So dry and arid. Only longing for God to spark and interest in my heart so as to open up my heart now. I have now no capacity to praise Him in my MSN nick. Neither do I have a strong desire to serve. Just what is wrong. Reaching the invisible God. Was I ever actually in a really fulfilling relationship with God?
Or was it all just an artificial thirst for knowledge? It's like as though I've used up all the natural resources on my earth. In the struggle for a relationship with something so intangible. So intangible, that I actually doubt. I am now unable to trace His hand with great cetainty, or trust His heart with great faith. He seems to be non-existent. But He is there. 
