  now onward with the entry and comments. i have decided that goal of this website is now to help me make sense of my life. so many things have happened to me, so many events have unwound in ways that seem bizarre and otherworldly that i need to find some sense of stable reasoning in order to live.
i've been plunging into my archives, trying to figure out what the hell happened, now that I have a little more objectivity. i've realized that my really spastic year and "nervous breakdown" did not come out of the blue. there was definitely some ominous foreshadowing. my desire to be torn open, my sense that something was coming was all there and ..... 
