  today has been hell for my allergies they are like non stop!  grr i guess the doc was wrong i do have allergies,  o well i go back in 2 weeks to get some meds for it,  hopefully something will work this time around.  well it's official i screwed yet another good thing up w/  eric but idk the whole thing i was confused about it and i guess ive made my decision.
 to end it i guess,  nothing i can do now to make it right so i guess its not going to happen.  i miss brian already lol he always made me laugh!  o well he'll be back this weekend.  you know what i wish would just end?  the whole thing with chad.  emma brought it up today by accident of course but whenever i hear anything about him i just keep thinking about the day we met and how i fucked it up,  i know how i did it and everyone else does too.  it doesnt hurt as much anymore like it used to so thats good.  as long as i dont hear his name or the name chad at all i dont ever think about the things w/  him and stuff but when i do its like a never ending thing you know.  he was my first bf and probably my last for a while since brian is taken.  i want to be able to just stop thinking about chad and think about brian instead,
 i guess that'll happen in time i just have to wait and keep myself occupied in the mean time.  well today has been a shitty day with the allergies and all then thinking about you know who again!  grrr GET OUT OF MY HEAD!  i just wanna forget about it and feel better for once!
