  For some reason, today I had the weirdest question pop into my brain. I wondered who would attend my funeral if I died today. It was so strange, but I was talking to the man who'd been to Iraq and I suddenly wondered, "Hey, if I died today, who would go to my funeral and miss me?
" It's not just the man from the war...I was in the part of Little Women where Beth gets scarlet fever, and all her sisters realize how much everyone in the town loves Beth, even though they always just thought of her as their shy little sister. I know it's such a strange thought...I just wonder sometimes. I like to think that I know the names and faces flashing through my head would go, but I can't ever say for anyone. I can't speak for everyone. I definitely know that some people think I'm a bitch, and I definitely know that at least a few people would never think of me as such. I like to think some people would miss me terribly, as I would miss them, and yet some people I know would turn their backs and not think twice. It's so strange. *bangs aching head on desk* Maybe I'm just delerious. Maybe I just get memories from Grandpa's funeral last December, and seeing that he wasn't just loved by me or Dad or even his immediate family.
Seeing everyone hurt for him, but everyone glad somehow that he was out of the pain caused by cancer. Isn't it strange that so many lives can be changed and rearranged by something so small? Something out of our hands causes people to have to readjust their comfort zone and their loved one's comfort zones. "To die would be an awefully big adventure. " - Peter Pan Perhaps I should think of it that way.
It seems so much more positive, hey? I'm not planning on dying any time soon, but who knows? Maybe I'll grow up and have to go to war, fighting for something I might not believe in, and lose and arm like Mark or lose my life. Maybe I'll grow up and have cancer, battling against something I can't see and parry the blows, dying slowly. Maybe I'll grow up and die at a ripe old age, with someone by my side loving me. Maybe I shouldn't care so long as I die loved. All this stuff is wearing me out...G'night... 
