  Karissa-Here is my take on the situation. I think that you have some very hard decisions to make and that ultimately you will make the right choices. Love doesn't always hit you right away. Sometimes it creeps up on you and than BAM hits you smack in the middle of your forehead like one great big duh. Don't look at this situation as a choice betweeb one or the other right now. Tony is a friend and if you think deep down you could possibly have feelings for him (which I think you do or this wouldn't be so hard) than don't hold back.
That doesn't mean that you have to have a physical realtionship with him that can come later if and when you are ready. But get to know him, who he is and what he believes in. Ultimately that is what counts. You need to ask yourself if Brian can answer those things for you also and if you are willing to pass up on things in life for him. I know that when you are with Brian he is very attentive to you and your needs but will you always be satisfied with playing one of many.
But believe me I understand the tough situation that you are in. I just broke up with the only man that I ever thought that I would love and yes we are trying to work things out, but what if it doesn't? Part of the problems that John and I faced were over my insecurity and that I held back. All these years I held part of myself back because I was afraid to let go and just go for the ride.
Growing up the way that I did always made me not trust things for as they are and I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. So my last piece of sage advice and wisdom would be whatever choice you make don't regret it. Make it, live with it and don't look back. If you think that any choice you make is going to make you think someday what if than don't make that choice. You might have to take the hard path and that is ok as long as you are 100% sure that you are and will be ok with that. And know that whatever choice you make you will have support and back up. 
