  I got a phone call! 1.yes!! a therapist finally called me back! When looking through an HMO or PPO? (I still don't know the difference). And now that I'm (ahem) "taken" now all the other ones I called are calling me as well. lol.... One thing about calling therapists is that they NEVER answer their phones REALLY!! they don't! Anyway step one is admitting you have a problem 2. I started listening to Morrissey and the Cure. I went home last weekend and dusted off my Elliot Smith and Eels CD's. I haven't listened to those since my days at Fredonia. Don't worry, I'm just getting in touch with my inner white girl. If I start listening to Tori Amos, please somebody just SHOOT ME!
I'm serious...... I've seen Tori fans.... a) they only refer to her as Tori not Tori Amos b) no one is a casual Tori listener, they are tori followers c) I'm always afraid that if I ever listened to her words (or even understood her words if i listened) that some kind of caucasian voodoo spell would be put on me........
Anyway moving on.....Morrissey and the Cure will be making their way into my collection. I've never actually listened to a whole Morrissey or Cure CD so If you don't hear from me on Monday you can know that I killed myself to THIS song "You shut your mouth how can you say, I go about things the wrong way, I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does" aww come on....you know you love it. At least I haven't lost my sense of humor :)lol 3. Speaking of funny...Looking for a therapist is one of the most hilarious things I've EVER been through. I get to look for someone to talk to based on gender/ethnicity and the funniest of all SPECIALTY! Press one for hypnosis Press two for behavior modification Press three for suppressed meglomania Press four for sexual dysfunction Press five for Adult Therapy etc....etc.....etc.... If I knew what was wrong with me, why would I be here? So I get literally hundreds of hits because I hit NO PREFERENCE for just about everything so I figured maybe I'd do it by Ethnicity.
I wanted a non-biased opinion on things so I figured I'd click on Native American. I want a Native American Pyschologist. I mean who can understand pain MORE than the Native American... click none !No clinicians were found with the information you provided! there are none! what a surprise So then I clicked on Laotian, then Vietnamese, I even tried to get one from Latvia! no luck. 4.now that I'm openly depressed I think I should go into comedy. I got a call to slam at the Nuyo on Friday.
It was like getting a call for break up mercy sex and actually considering it for two seconds. For about a second you forget what was wrong enough to make you break up in the first place and you think that it wouldn't be a bad idea. Long story short I didn't go, but comedy is my next thing ;) he he he he...... I'll be like Dat Van on Last Comics Standing which I must say is a hilarious show which they only show in marathon sequence on Comedy Central.
It's a reality show with somewhat quasi intelligent people who are really witty thus mean to each other on a WHOLE other level. Imagine having these people be the cool kids at YOUR school? How could anyone stand a chance at having a witty comeback towards THEM!! I shiver at the thought These people are so fucked up.......... and no it doesn't make me feel better :) 4.
I ran into my ex boyfriend. yes THE ex...the first boyfriend who SHOULD have given me all my issues, but who I have a surprisingly healthy relationship with....I was coined ex-girlfriend of the year by one. Sadly enoug I'm serious. In hindsight I have great relationships almost all of my exes. Sees, I'm quite the picky one really really really picky. I'm not an easy person to get to know, much less deal with , much less love and underneath it all lies a very different very soft very loving obsessively devoted person. My philosophy is that I loved you for a reason... and at the time it was a good one. Usually it was that I was so engrossed in the man you'd become that I was strong enough to forgive the man you WERE. ummm bad relationship perspective but if it's real then given enough time and distance it should be salvagable. I'm chronically forgiving. *mental note: discuss this right after revealing mommy issues Anyway, I saw him with who I assume is his new girlfriend.
Two years ago, I thought that if I saw this I'd die. You know this feeling, when you are convinced that seeing something like that can kill you. I believe that it can, or at least make you pass out as you're crossing the street only to get pummeled by a Mack Truck I've never fallen in love, I've tripped and ended up in some hyper obssessive, intense, passionate trysts but HIM who will go by M (thank god he's computer illiterate), no matter how bad it got, was ultimately good and most importantly he was good to me.
No matter WHAT we were able to talk, and as much as I wanted to hate him for breaking my heart (and believe me I did) what was cool was how diligently he needed to make me understand that he loved me and what we had no matter how much I wanted to erase it was real This was a concept which was alien, and foreign to my fragile 19 yr old heart Anyway.....we laughed (ok I laughed, he was nervous) but it was ok. I was ok. sooo.....ok 
