  ok,  I know that it's supposed to be Conspiracy Theory week but I'm going to put that on hold for a little bit,  or better yet,  I'll blog my Senior Thesis instead and let THAT marinate for a little bit.  This is the part of myself that gets mentioned but never extrapolated or explained.  When asked who I am or what I do,
 I give my most succint response:  I'm a writer.  I write everything and when I get tired I try another genre.  When followed by " Why? What got you to write"
 Again,  the most succint non- evasive answer you'll EVER get out of me Because I gave up and submitted.  It's the only thing/ person I've ever done that with and even then it's still hard as heck.  I ran into Steve Coleman and Sara Jones outside of the computer lab at my school and actually went up to them.
 I said hi,  they gave me flyers to a show that Sarah is doing and I felt the warm breeze and let waves of nostalgia pass over me.  Me,  19,  Lower East Side/ Brooklyn 2001 Listened to:
 Jill Scott,  Nancy Wilson,  Music Soul Child,  Gangstarr,  Sade,  The Karl Marx Band Read:
 German Ideology,  The Birth of the Prison,  Vice/ Greed,  Burning Down the House Felt:  Excited,
 scared,  strong, hurt,  clear These moments have been coming around more and more frequently as I stand on yet another brink of my imagination ,  where I have to reimagine my future and I see .  nothing.
 no clue where i'm going to be in 5 years much less 5 months and I am sick of people telling me how exciting this should be and how grateful I should be.  I don't deal well with not being in control because life does not deal me good cards never has and I doubt ever will.  I'm happy now and I don't know how to get used to it.  Living crisis to crisis has left scars deeper than I imagined and now they are barring me from moving forward.  My concious stuck in quicksand,  I've become my worst enemy.
 soo.  I had a realization yesterday. In the middle of listening to Dashboard Confessional ,  I realized how little I knew about a friend of mine.  I could tell you title tracks but never really experience the day to day trials,  questions,
 the dark places in which he goes to and is always reluctant to let me follow.  I asked myself how much did I really want to know,  how far down into the rabbit hole was I willing to follow him and my reticence in answering gave me more answers then I was ready for.  So after 22 years of living here's what I've learned 1.  Learn to Accept People for who they are,  not who they are trying to be;
make decisions accordingly 2.  Debt is bad.  Pay your shit off.  3.  Live for a living,  it's a choice 4.
Refill your CD collection at LEAST every six months.  5.  Clean up your Relationships every 6 months.  Not everything is supposed to last for ever.  Understand people and their place in your life 6.  At least once you should leave without town telling anyone.
 See who you become without the pressure to be who you were 7.  Think twice before faking your own death,  insurance people WILL find you 8.  The urlLink unabomber is way more progressive than Dave Chappelle 9.  Quentin Terantino is a racist misogynist who fetishes women and black people.  10.
 Sex is good.  Great Sex is Even Better.  Sex,  no matter how good is NEVER revolutionary .  11.  Love IS revolutionary 12.
 I'm not as smart as I thought 13.  I can be smarter than I've ever imagined 14.  I have issues.  In particular I have abandonment issues,  very very Good Will Hunting of me.  I have smart friends but mostly I have not so smart friends who will fuck you up at the very inkling of you messing with me.
My mother didn't love me as a child so now I'm left with an overwhelming sense of paranoia and loneliness.  Fuck You.  Call Whine- one- one,  I have them on speed dial.
 My problem not yours,  so go ahead and feel guilty,  you're not the first,  you inane and useless bastard.  15.  Everyone else has issues too.
 Everyone Else Is Doing it ( Credit to urlLink Rich,  urlLink Guy ,  urlLink Fish)  In Triplicate Three things I am wearing right now 1)  a white summer top 2)
 sandles that gave me what seems like rug burn 3)  a pair of cowshell earings Three things on my desk 1)  my Cd player 2)  A bottle of seltzer water 3)  my cell fone Three things I want to do before I die 1)  Finish "
The Evolution of Tyranny in America"  2)  Travel without Planning 3)  Fall in love Three bad things about my personality 1)  loyal ( to a fault)
 2)  judgemental 3)  impatient Three good things about my personality 1)  patient 2)  honest 3)  passionate Parts of my heritage 1)
 Haiti ( Au Cape,  Cafu Feuille,  Port- Au- Prince)
 2)  Queens 3)  Brooklyn Three places I want to go to 1)  The 5th Dimension 2)  South Africa 3)  Cuba Three nicknames I had/
have 1)  Merk 2)  D or Di 3)  Chesty La Rue Three screen names I had/ have 1)  Merkitty (
 I've had the same screenname since I was 12)  2)  3)  Three people I miss 1)  Martin 2)  My Uncle Alix 3)
 The innocent,  clear headed girl I used to be Three web sites that people may not know about 1)  www. lang. edu 2)  http:
taopoker. blogspot. com/  3)  http: eserver.
org/ bs/  Three visual artists I like 1)  Barbara Kruger 2)  Jackson Pollack 3)  Aaron Mcruder Three books I like 1)
 The Book of Daniel by E. L.  Doctorow 2)  Giovanni's Room/  If Beale Street Could Talk by James Baldwin 3)  German Ideology by Karl Marx Three women that belong on Mount Rushmore 1)
 Barbara Kruger 2)  Simone De Beauvoir 3)  Arundhati Roy Three corporations that should be destroyed 1)  StarBucks 2)  Osborne Corporation/ Private Prisons 3)
 MTV and all of it's affilates Three people ( living or dead)  to invite to my dream dinner party 1)  I don't play well with others 2)  3)  Three lines about me through a heart of glass lasers break nothing when light travels at the same wavelength 
