  it's funny what carries the most with the most weight. little things. the concerts themselves are fairly sterile for retrospect. i don't even really remember being there anymore and when i can it's only in the images i didn't make. april filmed after soundcheck when the lights went out for the arriving first-show crowd and in that shot when no one was doing anything, she went along the soundboard. and i had forgotten about the lights that lined the stairs up there in the soundbooth, where anyone could go up. it was right next to the backstage door, too, where we watched some of the boys enter and leave. and while she's on the soundboard, built to spill starts up, and keeps breaking off with stopping shots only to begin again. i can remember liking the song over the venue's loudspeakers while i was standing up there not filming.
i went back to the film only once after the end of november, before things cleaned up, to hunt that out. so now that's when i can remember most what it was like to have been there, in a series of messy, unimportant little shots. everything happened mostly at night when things were just a little blind, as they mostly do when i'm in new york.
i couldn't make out any of the lyrics to find it but i somehow landed on i can't see your response. so when i found out, i listened to it over and over in the thick of it and every time all i could see was the venue at night. and april's silver gates in chelsea. porters along 8th ave somewhere. halloween in the streets. chinatown. tribeca. canal street. until it no longer meant anything, but that was true only in my car stereo. i can't see this anywhere else anymore, and now i have a headache. fuck. 
