  I've just about gotten over a somewhat surprising breakup that I suffered recently. I just can't believe that I fell into a relationship with what can only be described as a pagan mystic!
Her excuse for her bad behaviour: sexual abuse early on in life. Why I didn't run when I learned of her tremendous baggage, I do not know. Wait, I DO know. Back when I elected to leave the US Navy, my CO called me a quitter. I can hear him now, "From this moment on, you will always be a quitter.
" I suppose that I am trying to live down those words by refusing to quit on certain things. Don't misunderstand -- I quit things all the time, but this relationship was something that I was not willing to give up on. Unfortunately, because of the severe degree to which the ex suffered from consequences such as PTSD, she was never really at liberty to give 100% to the relationship.
Oh, well. Friends tell me that I was lucky that it only dragged on for a year of my life. Now I can get back to work, they tell me. They are correct, of course. Still, I have to admit that it hurt a great deal, and that I am likely to give up on finding the One altogether. Acutally, I found the One years ago, and I let her go. For years I believed that I had let True Love slip through my fingers.
This one made me feel otherwise, but only because I was deceiving myself. So, facing these facts, I am now resigned to other pursuits. Which ones? Fewer ones, for starts. It is becoming clear to me that my Path is not to be found on any map. I feel as if I am either going to have to find the path by touch, or by hacking one out of the clutter that I have amassed of life.
I am not exactly depressed about my lot, I am just trying to distill the essentials so that I can get moving. I still feel sad about being alone -- I love women so... Y'know, the most accurate appraisal of life can be found in the words of a Billy Joel song, "Honesty. " Seriously. The weather is turning mild. I think that I'll go outside and sit for a while... 
