  In you care to refer to the July 14th post, you might understand the insanity of tonight a lot better. I'm really at a loss as for how to describe this all. Words don't exist to convey how ____ I feel. I wrote then, "By some strange phenomena I haven't seen/spoken to anyone who went on to catholic high school... You would think that I would have run into somebody---anybody--- in the course of a year. I've, of course, analyzed this situation, to no avail. I have no explanation; I like to think of it as Divine Intervention..." Lauren, Robin and I went downtown to see Elf tonight.
As soon as we approached the escalator, I was accosted by a completely unexpected site. Amanda and Megan T. I had deluded myself into thinking I really never would see them again; that they were simply a stain on my adolescence. I had assured myself I wouldn't see them for many years, decades even. I would daydream about that day; I would be successful and happy and at peace with everything. They would be overweight, wrinkly, unwed outcasts. They might even be panhandling or living in a cardboard boxes outside my Manhattan apartment.
I wasn't prepared to see them. It has been three years since I kissed Cataldo, and it's pain, good-bye. It's ironic that I saw specifically Amanda and Megan. We weren't close; not at all. But we understod one another. I envied them so much, in such a painful way.
They were the girls who had it all. They were happy, they were wealthy, they were talented and smart. As for me? I was Zeimander. They were nice, to be fair. But talking to them made me feel entirely vulnerable and immature again.
I felt like I did on the very first day at Cataldo. I felt alone, I felt awkward. We talked for what-- three whole minutes? Yet it was enough time to make me question everything. It all seemed to wrong, incorrect. Like this wasn't the way things should have turned out.
I should never have gone to Cataldo. I guess I downplay its reasons a lot. It's true that I went there because my parents wanted me to have a good education. But there wasn't much place else for me to go. Joey was expelled from Sac, the local Middle School, and my parents couldn't, just simply could not, send me there. It was something to do with embarrassment.
I question what would have happened if I didn't go there. If I had gone to Sac, things might be entirely different. I might be well-adjusted, less self-conscious. I might be smarter, I might even put my intelligence to some use. But then again, maybe I wouldn't. Maybe things would be the same.
Life is full of these questions, questions without answers. Doesn't that seem unfair? We can't change the choices we've made in the past. We can't take back the things we said, or undo the wrongs we committed. How could the eleven-year-old me know that Catlado wouldn't be the wonderland of knee socks and bible stories I needed it to be? How could I have guessed that I would be touched my such hurt?
I couldn't have. If there is truly a reason for everything, I will never understand Cataldo's reason. But maybe we're not supposed to understand it all. Maybe we're suppose to simply let it be . And more than that, we're suppose to be better people for it. Affectionately... Anna 
