  It already seems like it is winter, and it's not even past Halloween yet. It's been consistently dark at 5:30 for the past week. It's more of the state of mind of winter; desolate but hopeful. Today was another day of extreme highs and extreme lows.
Melissa dropped zero-hour conditioning (low), I had an awesome time at ROCK (high), I had an unfortunate run-in with my own perception (low, low, lower-than-low) and my Photography teacher bathed me in compliments (high). I feel so half-assed for not explaining myself all the way. It may seem like I am excluding things from my blog, or like I am leaving out crutal details. I wish that were the case. It's just that I feel so confused most of the time. Really, it's a miracle that I am able to explain what little I can.
Sometimes I feel so nomadic, directionless. It's probably the loneliest feeling in the world. And I guess that I feel lonely a lot. I'm usually surrounded by people, well-meaning kids who want me to like them and who maybe even like me, but I just can't relate to them. I want to, I want to a lot, but there is just Something that is missing. An intangible Something that I can't seem to see throw all this crap that clouds my vision.
Life of late reminds me of a game I used to play with my brothers. Whenever we went to the mall with my mom, we would become deathly bored within 15 minutes. As she shopped, we would find the nearest escalator. Jake and Joe would run up the stairs that moved down, racing each other. And I would try to do it, too. Maybe it was because my legs were shorter than their legs were, but I could never do it. I would just be stuck in the middle, trying desperately to be including with them but going nowhere.
And isn't that just a huge metaphor? I keep trying and trying to finish the race with everyone else, but no matter how much I struggle, I remain in the exact same place. Desperatly reaching out for something to cling to. What the fuck is it? Oh, it may also be the most frustrating feeling in the world. Affectionately... Anna 
