  I am going to tell you exactly what happened yesterday that is making me feel so awful. I think I might rather prefer that you don't mention it to me, consider this your disclaimer.
But for my own sake, I have to let it out. Subjectively, I suppose it isn't a big deal. It wouldn't be to the majority of the population, but to me... well, read on.
I decided to go to Melissa's youth group. In all fairness, she had warned me that it wasn't very devout, and that it was pretty much just a gathering of kids who play "grab-ass" and act self-righteous. But I was feeling such a need for God from the ROCK meeting that day; I just wanted to go. My dad dropped me off early--way too early. Thirty minutes early, to be exact. It took me a while to find which door I went in. When I got there, I realized that there was a long time until Melissa, Anna, Chris, or Leigh would arrive.
I began to feel all panicky and suffocated even though no one was within ten feet of me. I have worked really hard overcome that sort of feeling, and I thought that it was long gone--- but I guess I was wrong. I couldn't breath. I needed to leave. So, basically, I ran out. Yes, that's right--- I literally ran away. It was raining really hard, and it was seven thirty or so by then, so it was dark. I was in the most urban part of our suburb, all alone, dripping wet, and really upset.
I have no idea why. Then everything started to mount in my head. Quick synapses of everything that is bothering me... Joey not graduating, Adrienne calling me a 'loser' constantly, my Dad complaining that I wasn't doing any extra curricular this year, Sean still being in the hospital... And things were playing through my head like a movie, and conversations playing at the same time...
I started crying like a freak. Heavy sobs that heaved through almost my entire body. I kept running. The rain kept thundering down on me, and I became aware that I was wearing flip-flops and my feet had gone numb. I kept slipping, and I couldn't run with them on. So, I took them off and carried them. And I ran home. Five miles, uphill, in the rain. I made up some lie about Youth Group being cancelled to my parents, ate something, took a half-hearted attempt at a shower,wrote that last blog, and crashed into bed. And I slept. I slept throughout the entire night, and I never do that anymore. I woke up and had breakfast before anyone woke up.
I did my devotions and felt numb still. So I went back to bed. I got to school by second period. Affectionately... Anna 
