  Today was the scariest day of my life. I never thought this sort of thing would happen to me, not in Spokane, not at my school, and certainly not within 20 feet of me. Things are fucked up, and not just intrinsically. Things are fucked up. Someone brought a gun to school today. Someone woke up, put the semi-automatic pistol in his backpack, and trotted off to school.
My school. My home. The audacity of that asshole to ruin my high school experience-- it's so overwhelming. Even harder to understand than it is to realize... why would someone do this? My day started off pretty poorly. I actually said the words, "Today is going to be the worst day of the year.
" and at the time, I didn't know how true it was. I hadn't finished my photography work, or my History IDs, and I was behind in Science. Melissa was mad at me because I was doing an awful job at explaining Conditioning exercises... very typical, silly things. It's amazing that in a few moments things can change. Robin, Lauren and I were eating lunch in our normal spot. We never eat anywhere else.
All of a sudden we see these policemen and the Principal walking through the hallways. Mr. Swett said, "Girls, you're going to have to move downstairs. No one will be eating on the third floor today. " I was pissed. I love our lunchspot. Plus, we were holding onto Leigh's cross-country bag and I didn't want to carry it around the rest of the day if we couldn't find her.
And then suddenly the fire alarm went off. Once we got outside, police cars pulled out. I counted at least twelve, but we couldn't stick around the perimeter of the school. Teachers and police kept telling us to back off, walk farther away. Someone said that s kid had a rifle. The blinds were closed on the third floor in the room that was only a few feet from where we had been eating.
More police came. The fire department came. A SWAT team came. I guess no one could really understand what was happening. We were told to cross the street and get as far away as possible. I can't even describe that feeling of terror.
I was sure Leigh was locked in the building. I was sure that my brother was locked in the building. Alyson O., a girl from Cataldo with whom I have a sorted past, came up to me. "I am so scared, but Anna, no is a time for amense. I'm sorry for never saying hi to you at school. I am sorry for everything at Cataldo..." The honest and sincerity of those words really struck me.
How petty am I that I was concerned about loosing my lunchspot when someone had a gun in the classroom I was sitting across from? We waited outside for ever as a stream of endless police cars pulled up. People started driving home. One teacher put his arm around me and told me there was a "situation in one the the science rooms". My science room. My freshman science room where I learned the stability levels of neutrons.
I was so pissed off that someone would be so selfish. Not fair, this world is everything but fair. I suddenly really didn't want to be there anymore. I didn't want to stand around and wait. I needed to forget this whole thing. Robin, Lauren, and I ended up at the Spokane Club.
There were some other LC kids there, too. The news was on, loud. I watched Krem 2 unravel of situation. A 17 year old Junior had a pistol (not a rifle, apparently there's a difference) in a classroom. No one could say why. Negotiations were underway and... bang.
A policeman shot the 17 year old Junior. Paramedics rushed in and took him to the hospital. The situation had been neutralized. Neutralized? Stable? Fuck no.
Nothing will be the same at my school again. And there are still so many questions... It's just easier at the moment not to feel. I like it better to curl up in a ball and not think. Very shaken... Anna 
