  I need a new hobby. Because it just isn't normal to sit around and daydream as a pastime. I mean, really, I daydream beyond reason. I can spend an entire hour just starring off into space and thinking about something else. There is always running. It's too cold to run outside now. So I must resort to the treadmill. This actually isn't that bad, at least I can listen to music when I run now. I'm doing volunteer work for several campaigns, none of them that I actually want to do work for. At the risk of sounding repetitive, I am just too bogged down with all this... shit. There is really no other way to explain it. It is shit. Stupid things that shouldn't bother me, habits that border on obsession, an innate and powerful longing for something else. No necessarily something better, just something else. There are so many things in this life I want to experience, so many things I want to understand, so many beauties to witness.
And I feel like I'm not living, I'm only walking and breathing and memorizing stupid dates, people, places, equations--- none of which is meaningful. My friends are meaningful, and the times I share with them are special and important. But there is still that SOMETHING that is fucking missing and I want it so bad it hurts. My own perception must be the root my troubles. I can't seem to concern myself with the here are now because I see so far beyond that.
There is something past new shoes and eyeshadow-application skills. There is greater happiness to be had then at the bottom of a "fifth", more fulfillment than all the honor-roll plaques and impressive credentials provide. Affectionately... Anna 
