  ok well basically this post is constructed like a prayer...since it is a sunday morning after all.
Thank you so much.....and not just to my twin who reads this but to EVERYONE...i know now i am quite a handful. me and yue counted last night and just this year alone there were.....42 guys?! *sigh* i'm so sorry, i'm absolutely CRAZY and i can't even believe a person like me EXISTS. if it was me, i'd run away everytime u saw me, or better yet, condemn me as some weirdo sent by satan.
(ps i'm not......let's just blame debate :-) ). and i know this is only one of the things y'all stick by me for, but me being an emotionalist (even after AS believe it or not) , it mattered so much to me to find.....someone. i know that during all that, even though when it got really bad you guys were like "oh geez shut up! " because i was delusional and stubborn and wouldn't listen to anyone or talk about anything else...... but i thank you guys so much for still hoping for me, that i would get over that jerk, open my eyes, and just...basically que sera sera.
and now thanks to u guys, i'm not (really) desperate or a slut, and even though i was being all selfish and crap through all that thanks for only being mad, and wanting to help, and not leaving me for lost. and here's the final word: you guys are right. u guys are ALWAYS right. i know with those stupid hemann twins i got brainwashed into thinking i was always right but really....you guys are my family.
u know me so well, what i will do, and how to fix me up afterwards when i dont listen. you let me make mistakes, and i know it really hurts u guys to see me let myself get used sometimes (*cough arthur cough*) but thank you for not judging too much and just....helping me forget and forcing me to get better.
you guys are ALWAYS right. even now u know i wont always say or do what is right, even what i know is right, and that advice from u is still seldom taken (specially after yue's "dont read" thing...hahaha jk jk. i luv u! ) but just know that....i know that you guys wouldn't ever unnecessarily hurt me and that you are looking out for me. i love you guys. keep on helping me out in vain and remember that from now on i will always try harder. for faith's sake. in you guys, in myself, and in the fact that everything works out in the end.
i will try to cut down on petty complaining, on what you know to be fake threats of drugs, on blowing u guys off or prioritizing too much, and on trying too hard. u guys were right once again: i am having hard enuff a time doing everything i am doing now. i wont add lacrosse to my list.
and besides....u know all i was doing it for was for cheerleader-like attention and the skirt. i realize now that the attention was unnecessary, the old cliche is true, be urself, and the skirt....welll.......if some store doesn't start carrying those i'll just get lisa to order me one from the catalog. and on the subject of trying harder, really i think a reason the bam died is cuz we stopped trying. not that it wasn't dead anyway or that i think we should get together, but i think we should just maybe.......try a little harder. in everything. bernadette was right, we did all sort off fall apart, but she doesn't haev to be completely right: we dont have to hate each other.
we have to take care of these grudges. as we are all girls or herms, let's just...have some closure. ok now on to the regular jane stuff: remarks on yesterday- - yes we DID come...at like two.......... - kyle?? ewwwwwwww...... - i can't believe rags was that late. gosh when he moves to bellaire he could prolly just run there in like 2 seconds. - *gasp* the dress in the window is beyond GORGEOUS!!! it's BEAUTIFUL!!!!!! ok so what if t's a little 1920's and vintage but that's good dude!
i mean..just depends what sort of person u are. cosmopolitan reporter would wear the one we liked ...........and the jewish geography teacher would wear this one. - srry for that stuff with ur mom. gosh. i hope that nothing happens, and that she remains out of the loop forever and ever so that me and you dont end up getting kicked out of the house and living with eleanor and her crazy habits.
(seriously......we were on the phone till like 4 AM last night. maybe just cuz my heart was racing [ the cofee maybe? haha riiiight...] but anyway yah she does that a lot. plus i think i might skip wednesday at the zoo to go to Uh and work since my stupid orthodontist screwed me over. ) speaking of which...... - grr i had the PERFECT weekend planned out, i swear. sat: go to UH, go out with josh, dinner with parents. sun: gt music store, hopefully enjoy this yrs F-day. mon: salem crap. i dunno though, i guess it really wasn't that big a deal about the orthodontist thing but i didn't get tor esearch.....and eleanor didn't get to meet josh (btw, neither did u lol) and i was horribly horribly late.
geez. me overreacting. maybe i care about josh too much? my dad thinks i just love debate a little too much. - you guys have to see finding nemo! i know i said it was sort of a long feeling movie but it's sooo good.....the plot was good, a little too complex maybe (i know that sounds stupid cuz it's rated G but really.....so many bad things happen to nemo and marlin and dorcey.
:_-( ) but the characters were great and stetreotyped just enuff (and surprisingly us asians and jews can identify with the main conflict of the story - parental domination) to be great and the quotes were awesome. "RIGHTEOUS!!! RIGHTEOUS!!!!!!! " "fish are friends, not food" lol. i wouldn't say see it alone though cuz it gets a little tiring and u need something to distract you all the while of course.
and now on to what you was coming: my day with josh (and the rest). - at the dentist, after he called, my dad asked "is josh your teacher? " - a little f-day nostalgia: aww...my dad really does care. he felt really bad about me missing UH and was ready to take me just about anywhere. - asked my orthodontist what the deal was. he said that i would be off braces by the end of the summer, but that i will have to wear a retainer for a year.
at least those come out?
geez.
tell me how urs are coming along. - i was so pissed when i got home i went to eleanor's for a long while and we sat there and sang along to "i'm gonna fuck you" over and over and over....it's set to a slow country love ballad.
it's pretty good though. "that's fucking teamwork! " sorry rags. direct quote. :-) - i think i am seriously a soccer mom. the first thing i did when i got to eleanor's was make breakfast. my eggs are bland but is uppose they are alright with ketchup. at least they wren't burnt.
lol.
plus when i finally got to meet josh i saw him driving a minivan and i got all excited.
- unfortunately i got coffee at borders right before we had lunch at like 3 o clock hahaha. i sincerely hope that's not the reason he did what he did, i can't keep that up.
lol.
i was all tense and hyper and being all what he calls "spontaneous". ohh but here's a question for ya: why are guys turned on by lesbians, while we aren't turned on gays? i asked eleanor and she cross applied this quote (be quiet! ) "men fall in love with their eyes, and women fall in love with their ears". makes sense. i will have to tell josh. it has been bugging him. - the girl from seinfeld's name is elaine, not eileen.
that has also been bugging him. - so we had lunch, had a GREAT talk, opened up maybe a little too much? i thought it scared the crap out of him but apparently he likes hearing about jason and arthur and getting turned on by corn and tales of my lesbian experiences. he's a lot more conservative. - u know we have so much in common. it's so much more symmetrical than jason, bc our values are the same. oh geez....we both have asian parents. of course it would work out that way. but we act differently......i told him i thought i was insensitive.
he said that i just got over stuff easily and that i would end up living a better life than anyone he knew. awwww....... - i think he prolly thinks i'm bulimic or anorexic or something. he agreed with me in that i'm not skinny, but i ate about 20% of my lunch. and i felt horrible. i blame the coffee.........he brushed it off as me having "hi metabolism" - but apparently this lunch thing really wasn't bc of me per se. he takes a lot of ppl out for lunch for their bdays. wow but any other person would have said happy bday and left it cuz it's so late.
he kept making me decide things bc it was my bday but u know hw i have no spine. patriarchy jokes made galore. - went to the movie at like 4.20 at edwards. that place is the shiz. i like how the seats have armrests that fold up and down, haha he made a crack about loveseats in the beginning but i let him leave it up. - pathetically, but luckily i screamed bunches during hte movie. i'm sure he took that as a cue to put his arm around me to "comfort me" but my brain knew better.
haha it was weird tho cuz u know how i have weird body temp things going on and especially cuz i was wearing THAT particular shirt (dont judge, but i wasn't leaving anything to chance so i wore a green halter top) so my back was all hot and sweaty and he was holding my hand too which was ice cold so i'm sure he thinks i'm weird.
remember that ears thing at pearland? *whew* - so by the end it's pretty obvious cuz his jokes are getting more and more awww.......and by the end he just asked it very nicely and me being the total insensitive loser said "sure! " really hyperly. no wonder he was so freaked out..... - because later in the car it turns out he was worried about my saying yes for the wrong reasons bc apparently he is quite the debater and has done some digging and heard about my not saying not to stuff.
but it's a good thing i brought up obsessions tho bc then i told him i had been like obsessed with him for weeks and he was like "oh good, so it WAS mutual". - btw, who had ms. brison? - btw again....all u guys try out for AC seriously. i dont know why they ever thought letting will on was a good idea. he doesn't work! travis is alright despite being a soph AND a football player but will.......doesn't try.
he gets by on what he's got. - so anyway by the time we outa the movie it's exactly 6.17 (how senredipitous...look at ur last post) and i am late for dnner. he takes me back to his house bc i have no keys (or so he thinks...haha i didn't want to go home) and i meet his family...or the non at college part anyway. his brother zach goes to lanier, just graduated 8th grade. btw....i think PMS won homecoming this year!!
WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! his dad works for ChevronTexaco and is very smart and nice. his mom was a biology teacher (AP) and is a very good conversationalist. they are nice people. our type can identify. asian, democratic, and opinionated. yay! like i said....same value system........but of course i'm sure they noticed i was asian. like really asian, not jewish - they were going out to dinner and invited me. gosh i was so freaked out bc of all the stories he has told me about them and dating Gentiles. i asked him if everything was alright when we left the restaurant bc i sort of swore once and they didn't like it but then i turne don the 45 year old charms and talked about politics and the education crisis in this country.
slick aye? - josh said they prolly didn't think we were going out because i was so young. yah...at dinner there was a big deal made of me and josh being at opposite ends of the spectrum, his bday is at the beginning of the yr so he is old, and mine is at the end so i am young anyway. so he's a really old guy, and i'm a really young girl. like i said, he was freaked out about my being 15. aww but he explained it as my being very mature.
i am going to believe him. - his brother's doing debate.
RIGHTEOUS!!!!!
- but then when we drove home, he parked the car, and we just got out and took a walk and didn't come back home until 9 (which makes a good hour of walking and doing....other things) when my parents overtook us on Jason coming back from dinner. so i thought i was screwed in a few ways. 1) for wearing that halter top w/o a sweater on. 2) for being out when it was dark. 3) for being out with someone they thought was my teacher. 4) for being out with my teacher and doing THAT in the dark, with a halter top on. but they are obviously more oblivious than anyone thought, cuz they didn't notice, smiled, and even gave him a ride home.
later that night my mom came into my room and stared at the AC pic on my wall at josh. she was smiling. when my parents approve......SCARY. but i'm sure they dont know he's jewish. - so i suppose that's it. oh right....when i got home i was about to bust cuz of all the coffee i had (no more lattes for me, i think i need plain coffee from now on) and cuz of all the lovey dovey stuff and i didnt sleep till two and i got up this morning at 7. - i think i can settle down now, no more guy chasing for me. but i couldn't stop thinking about the future last night before i finally fell asleep for 2 hours. wow....a SENIOR. a jewish senior. he says i am too intoxicating to give up and he can't imagine a breakup.
i was so offeneded when u said last night it would be over before xmas. lol jk jk i luv u still. but then that means.....prom? i think that striped black and white dress is gonna go get a run for its money. but what scares me the most is what he is going to have to tell his parents in the end. they are not as....u know about that so he plans to eventually tell him. oh gawsh. think i can score one with the parents too? - ok maybe the parents isn't the most scary thing.
the scariest, and coolest thng is that we are on AC together. but that will just be weird cuz i dunno if any two ppl have ever been together before. especially.......the long shot new member and the captain? freaky up the shizzo. haha, i can only imagine AC outings............. ok but here it is. i promise i wont be jenny and phil. this is good.......it's not like i would u know run away.....he just...already fits.
*ahhh* wow but he WILL be a pfile in october. i still can't get over that. and i still can't get over how easy it was. u guys are right yet again. good things happen easily. and they just happen. i love you guys so much! Je t'aime beaucoup! Te amo! Yo te amo! wo ai ni men! Ya lublu tyebya! wow this is a long ass post.
took an hour too. life is peachy...... jane ps on other things, the zoo is getting steadily more disappointing, u are right. pps stress really is a good anti drug ppps visit to rice on tuesday pppps join model UN please!!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!! ppppps i feel better than i ever have before. it's like the missing piece in my eiffel tower puzzle is found. except he hates the french.
hahaha.
its funny how he coutns me as french. well with paul gone they are all screwed cuz idunno that much and i am slow. pppppps i feel bad about the captain cabangbang (josh's nickname for him) situation. i'll cal him later.
i promise. 
