  3 days has passed since my break up. i guess somehow i'm slowly starting to come out of the self denial mode and into accepting reality. its not easy i guess....but i'll survive..=) somehow i know i will. i juz finished writing him a 3 page long letter...dunno if i'll have the courage to send it out even as i'm blogging now, i'm thinking about the letter.
do you think he'll reply?? i really can't bring myself to think anymore, i'm so tired...i imagine it'll be worse for him. i betrayed him in the first place sia...but it was a moment of impluse thingy...i did regret it after it happened. nah, i'm not gonna go there again...finally got out of it, i dun wanna go back again. i've decided to write him a letter everyday juz to fill him in on my life, you may say its useless of that i'm being extremely selfish here but i have to.
its the onli way i think i'll ever recover.... i know this is gonna sound evil but i imagined that his pig would be most happy bout this...she might feel for him la, but she'd probably be glad i'm out of his life den she can come in...ha! evil thot right?? i thot so too....but i can't help it. i'm in the evil mode right now.... know wad???
after all that happened, i realized how much i love him actually.
i mean, he's told me about wanting to leave to further his learning overseas so i guessed as much that mayb one day he'll leave me but all this came too soon....reality is starting to sink in but i'm really not mentally prepared for it yet... i love him, i always thot that if one day he shld leave me, i'll be able to let hi go graciously but now i know i can't....i really can't. 
