  New Year's Triple Post! *********** So here it is... year's end. Fantastic, eh? Another one in the bank. I, for one, am always excited at this time of year because it signals an all out booze fest... and I do so enjoy my booze. Before I get to drinking, though, here's the end of 2003 as seen by 3 relatively sober 20 somethings.
Take it like a man and read on. -------------------------- Damn Right... it was better than yours... My year was most certainly better than yours. Why? I got more ass than Wilt Chamberlain. Period. That was my goal and… well… I did it.
So there. Nah nah nah nah nah Fuck the magical year end revelation. Fuck the bitchy review. I got more laid times than you did. Which means I’m better than you. Say all you want about me… when push came to shove, I was on the giving end.
So suck down your double strength captain 'n' cokes and smile your empty smiles. Raise your dirty little glass of dreams and shout the countdown to another year of nothing. Because until you can outsex me, you'll always be a loser... ::hiccup:: ::bourbon:: ::stumble:: -- Dexter Otis Green ----------------------- It is surprising to note that in the original draft of the United States Constitution, our fledgling Democracy was in many ways far different than the system we live under today. Of course, back then only white male landowners had an unalienable right to vote – but the differences run deeper than this. In the original Constitution, including the first ten amendments (the Bill of Rights), provisions were in place for the election of a House of Representatives, a Senate, and a set of Executive Officers (President and Vice President). However, of these three, the people (white males, in this case) were only allowed to directly elect members of the House.
The Electoral College is a vague concept to us nowadays, and during most Presidential election years the College is referred to simply as “votes,” since an entire state’s number of electoral votes goes to the winner of the popular election in that state. This system, however, is only due to state statues that force the Electoral College representatives from each state to cast their votes in accordance to the popular vote. As things originally stood, the public would vote for Electoral College members, who themselves would then meet and cast their own votes to determine the Presidency. A similar system was in place for the Senate, where each individual State legislature was responsible for casting the votes for the U.S. Senators. The voting system for the U.S. Senate stayed in place until 1913, when the 17th Amendment passed the voting power to the general public.
And as we all know from the FUBAR’d Presidential election a few years back, no amount of state statues will change the fact that our President is still chosen by an Electorate. So why bring all of this history up? Especially on the eve of another New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with the seemingly eternal Dick Clark (who at this point must be drinking the blood of babies to keep his face wrinkle-free)? Because I was sitting at my desk trying to think of amusing anecdotes to add to a possible “Year That Was!” retrospective for Beer N’ Porn, and I realized that there really wasn’t anything of interest to report. Nothing’s changed. Hell, when I mean nothing, I mean nothing.
Our economy is still in the tubes. We’re still at war in Afghanistan. There’s still hostile combat taking place in Iraq. We still don’t have Osama bin Laden. The government is still excelling at taking away the rights of its citizens. The executive branch is still corrupt.
The Office of Homeland Security continues to be the biggest waste of resources in the history of the United States, and that’s saying something considering we’re the country responsible for the SUV and the old Styrofoam McDonald’s containers (remember those? ) Our FBI is charged with protecting domestic air traffic, yet can’t even subdue a hysterical soccer mom. Don’t believe me? urlLink Read the story yourself . The CIA, once able to tear down entire governments with a single well-placed rumor and a few well-aimed bullets, now can’t even keep the names of their lower-level operatives secret. Again, urlLink read the story yourself .
Hell, even the counter-resistance hasn’t changed. Social unrest comes in waves, and just like the ocean, each one looks the same. You could take the denim-clad, black hair, black-rimmed eyeglass wearin’ hipster emo liberal eco-friendly protester from today and swap him out with a long hair psychedelic flower-wavin’ LSD-dropping hippie from the late 60’s and they’d be saying the same damn clichéd catch phrases. Forty years pass between our old Vietnam and our new one, enough time for a generation or two to pop out and learn how to walk and talk, and still each side stays the same. The government’s still busted, the people are still stupid, the protestors say the same damn things, and nothing ever changes. When I was growing up, there was an old run-down factory on my side of town that had a long red brick wall that was always a ripe target for graffiti.
For the longest time while I was growing up, there was a large anarchy “A” written in white paint with the words “IMPEACH BUSH!” written nearby. When I made it to high school, the words were crossed out and in their place someone wrote “IMPEACH CLINTON!” Ten years later, and almost written right over the old letters, “IMPEACH BUSH!” blares out again in Krylon glory. Apparently, Bob Dylan got it wrong. The times, in fact, are not a’changin’. They’re staying the same. People clamor for the President to be removed from office.
People in California clamor for their governor to be removed, and lo and behold, they were successful. Here in my home state of Connecticut, we’ve already removed two mayors for corruption, and we’re working up steam to get rid of our Governor for trading government contracts for a new hot tub. The Nintendo generation apparently can’t even wait for each election year to violently overturn the government. It’s becoming standard operating procedure to vote someone in to office, then complain about ‘em and kick their sorry butts out. Our Democracy works like the Gong Show used to be. As I sit here, thirteen hours before the New Year, I leave you all with my own conclusion about the year that was.
Perhaps the Founding Fathers had it right. If there’s one thing that we’ve all learned in the past year, it’s that people are tremendously, colossally stupid. Not individuals, mind you. Individuals can be smart, resourceful, caring and kind. But when individuals get together, they become people, or crowds, or political parties, or religions – and at that point, there’s no limit to how amazingly stupid they can be. Democracy, while the government of choice in my book, seems to have the unnatural ability to not only allow stupidity to foster, but to allow it to grow and become strong until it is a blight on the survival of the society.
Perhaps it’s not such a good idea that our fellow men (and women) should have such a say in who runs the show. Next time you’re in Wal-Mart or KFC, take a look around you – those people are the ones running this country. Scary, huh? So, I have a message for the people of the world on this night. Deal with your own fuckin’ stupidity. Deal with the fact that you voted for an imbecile for Governor/President/Senator, etc.
Deal with the fact that the problems of the world are your fault. Deal with the fact that your belief system is responsible for the suffering of others. Deal with the fact that you are probably part of a greater association of extremely stupid people making extremely stupid decisions about phenomenally petty things. If I had my way, I would make elections public. Each individual should have to go on record with whom they voted for. Then that way, when their elected official passes laws or executive orders, the people who voted for that person can be affected first.
Let’s see how fast the people wise up to their decisions when they’re the first ones to empty their wallets to pay for money lost to corruption, the first to give up their rights to the will of the majority, or the first to pick up a M-16 and fight in some Godforsaken desert three thousand miles from home. Happy New Year, sheep. - Mr. Carson -------------------------------------------------------- Hey everyone, back for another scorching? Nah Just kidding, this time it’s nothing but my two cents on the whole New Year’s thing. So 2003 is ending, lots of things have happened (Wow, that sounds like I took it right out of George W Bush’s mouth didn’t it? ), some good, some bad.
The following went good this year: • I turned 21. This has to be the best part about this year. I mean, I am selfish sometimes so this has to rank on high. Plus the kick-ass celebration my friends threw for me was great. Hey anytime a guy gets jumped by three hot chicks has to be a good time! • Return of the King.
Good god, what we had been waiting years to see finally culminated on December 17th. My sleep cycle has been fucked up since then, and it’s worth it. I’ve seen it twice so far, which is scant few compared to some of my friends. All I have to say is Pelennor Fields… good god. • Apartment. There is nothing more liberating than agreeing with your parents that it is time to move out of the house.
Unsettling as all hell is what it really is. I spent the first three months in this apartment by myself, cause my roommates had other commitments during the summer. I know Santa cried because the son was moving out of the North Pole to stake his own claim on the world. But I must say, living by adult rules when you’re 20 puts a few things into perspective, like the need to save money, and other stuff kids don’t think about. Fucking teenagers… • I discovered Pool. I had always enjoyed playing a game of pool when I was a kid, whether is was after a league round of bowling or wherever I saw a table, but the pool bug didn’t really bite me until about September this year.
I started becoming a voracious student, trying my best to learn how to play this game. I have books, my parents supported me by getting me my own cues, and if I know that there’s pool on ESPN, it’s almost impossible to pull me away, especially the Trick Shot competitions. And if you’re going to laugh because I’ve chosen billiards as a serious hobby, just remember, I could be doing crack on the side of the road instead. • SpikeTV. About fucking time. This is the best idea for the TV since… well the TV.
I can’t talk enough about the praises of this station. It’s got Bond Movies, American Gladiators, Slamball, and there’s usually something blowing up on the station, all of which are awesome. Real Men of Genius, we Salute you, Mr. SpikeTV inventor. • We went to war. Now before you get out the crucifixes, hold up. As terrible as war is, sometimes it does have a boon on the economy.
Come on, we wouldn’t have gotten out of the Great Depression as quickly as we did if it were not for Trigger Happy Germany and Kamikaze Japan. We go to war, we have to make lots of stuff which in turn creates lots of jobs, while our men are going out to war, and our women stepped up in a big way in WW2 and helped the war effort by leaving the kitchen and going to work. Money starts flowing in a big way in our nation and thus our economy starts booming again. Think of it this way, we went to war and our economy started improving. Now do I think killing everyone we see just because they don’t agree with us is a good thing? No way, but it did some good.
And, just because I got your attention, here’s a list of the things that went bad. • We went to war. Now I know what you’re thinking right now. Didn’t I just say that us going to war was a good thing? Well, yes. I’m also saying it’s one of the bad things that happened this year.
War is never cool, unless it’s in a computer, and even computers are getting to the graphical point of mimicking entry and exit wounds in bullets, explosion effects from bombs and whatnot. (I think when it hits that point it’s going to be insane) Now, I understand our motivations: Dubya is just finishing the job that his daddy didn’t do. Has anyone even heard of Osama Bin Laden lately? Come on people, don’t be that stupid. I’m going to get off my soapbox on this in a minute, but let me say this: The wool is over our eyes. We took our shitty domestic squabbling and political positioning and hid it all away while Bush went off on his wars, fueled by the words “terrorist” and “Weapons of Mass Destruction.” Now that we’ve even gone so far as to capture that bastard, have we found any, and I mean ANY Weapons of Mass Destruction?
No, of course not. Pull back the veil from your eyes and see what exists. Through political manipulation of intelligence, we went to war, and killed many, many people. And after “Mission accomplished” we’ve lost more Americans than in the actual war. Someone I knew from High School is dead from this conflict. Do I pity him?
No. It was his choice, and he knew the risks. Do I wish he was around? Of course, I’m not that heartless. Just open your eyes; War is the best double-edged sword in existence. • The Matrix Sequels.
Wachowski Brothers, What the fuck were you doing? First movie, awesome. Second one, Train wreck. Third One, Flashy, but didn’t have a lot of soul in it. Ok, let’s break it down on The Matrix Reloaded. Very cool premise, lots of pretty special effects, but unfortunately special effects alone don’t make a good movie, you needed a lot more development.
Still enjoyed watching it, but didn’t get out of it what I thought I would. Score: C+. The Matrix Revolutions, the answer to all the riddles, right? WRONG! That movie created more questions than answers. Plus with all of the inferred plot from the shitty shitty dialogue the movie boiled down into a Special FX bonanza.
Also enjoyed watching it, but I was looking for more meat in the dialogues. Maybe I was looking for a message, and maybe the clowns really are not scary. Score: C. Biggest issue, once you tell someone that they are the next JC, and JC can do all kinds of freaky cool stuff, then the movie turns into a version of Superman. • Reality TV. It’s time to cut the bullshit on this stuff. Survivor has gone on long enough.
Who cares anymore? It was novel when it was first thought up, and just like the Real World, it has turned into a seething cesspool totally losing the original concept. (Nothing’s better than the original, Star Wars: The Phantom Menace and both Matrix sequels proved that) Fear Factor? Was a good idea. I enjoyed watching people do things that I couldn’t bear to do myself. Time for these shows to go the way of the dodo and die off like the miserable pieces of shit they are.
I never once watched Survivor, and the craze around it was borderline hysteria. • Friends. Even the best shows need to end. Look at Cheers. If you think Friends doesn’t need to end, experience something new, go jump off an airplane and fly through a fire hoop at 100 miles per hour before pulling the chute. Sitcoms have shelf lives, they cannot go on forever.
Simpsons, I’m looking at you as well. Now I usually wouldn’t say what a colossal geek I am and be a fan of Babylon 5, but it works out nicely here. Here’s a saga that told its story, ran its course, and ended on a high note. None of this “let’s see how long we can string the series along… let’s give one of the main characters triplets! That would be so awesome!” crap. Long shows need to end.
Let new blood come and let the old episodes be released on DVD. • The Pope’s Health. Once again, hold off on the crucifixes… I mean no harm. The Pope’s health has been failing, which sucks. Now having said that, I don’t understand the desire to put him out like a puppet for all to see and revere. *Voice over* Yes, be spiritual, and you can be held up by God’s graces long after your body has told your soul, “Look, I’m done, go back to Heaven.” * I honestly think the man is more spiritual than anyone and done as much as he can to correct the wrongs of his predecessors and forge new paths to peace, but just like the sitcoms, he should be allowed to step aside and die in spiritual peace.
It’s just like why we keep someone alive long after it’s clear they are suffering more than living. If I ever get so bad that I can’t function, there will be no life support, there will be no rest home. I will live as I always have and when it’s my time to face the eternal judge, I’ll argue as hard as I can for a good life, but when it’s my time, it’s my time. I think it’s the Pope’s time. Let John Paul II rest. That’s my deal with 2003.
Goodbye and I hope to see you in ‘04 Burning up the old, reborn in the new… -- Jake "The Phoenix" Kozak 
