  THE LAST WORD Even as I reach my door, the drama of you continues; train whistle blow outside my window; and I cried out as we raced to catch the 5:40. "Why does this have to be so dramatic? " and he said, "Heather, you wouldn't have it any other way. " Train whistle blows a last time, your meaning as you said goodbye, and I choosing myself at last over you. What healing forms to take the place? What warm bath of peace, a little gentle place to put the grief.
Back in my box, the hum of the computer, planes overhead dancing, low light, flannel against skin, breathing again. I will not be latched in any man's cage. There is no combination to my love or lock to cut off. I guard and protect my palace with curiosity, having learned the art of questioning the witness, vicarious observation, eating the emotions, dipping my bread and licking my fingers clean. There is such a thing as too close and easy to spot amindst the blackness of eyelid curtains drawn. Ignite into flame, sparks of wheels braking and every inside awakening. This is the one I write for you inside my shallow cave of doubt and webs extending time across my space and death at every doorframe. Damn you, the water that drowns itself, the air that suffocates, the fire leaving ash. This earth can not bear these burdens nor count the weight of boxes shackled to ankles because you were afraid.
Step up and demand your rightful place. Empty the barrels of regret and shame. Throw the has been into the wind. You have never been who you are right now. And if I stamp my feet, and if I scream, then maybe you will leave me alone, where I want to be, stepping aside. And you will leave me Sorry China and all your prophesies fulfilled at last. And I will tell my story into nothingness and remember nothing.
I will gesso over the canvas, press the delete button, and move on, because that is what I do well. And if I think it hurts for just a moment, I will blame the moon. And if you think truth is known when it is named, you are missing the picture. There is no truth, just images from electrons that flash and burn oblivion soup. 
