  That nite didn't end well even tho the rest of the evening was great. I felt hurt, my ego's pricked, mad, upset and confused. Not that i am being paranoid again but certainly, what was going on before my very eyes dun lie. I mean, being high on drinks and doing all this things is not an excuse. It simply means that there is less inhibitions and you are acting on yr sub-conscious. And that, could perfectly mean the truth. Well, this is what i gathered from my observations throughout the evening. It was as tho, i was totally non existence and made of glass. Whatever that was going on, made me felt small.
i didn't like that feeling a bit. It sucked. I was bottling those feelings inside me and the only chance where i could let it go was when we were alone....I talked to her about it in the cab. it was difficult. i didn't know where to begin or end..... but the bottom line is, we somehow managed to iron out the issue (almost) and i have decided to believe in her. I mean, she's my gal afterall....even tho things are in such a mess.... i am still pinning my trust on her.
I do have fears of my own tho... i am not sure how i would react or affect me if the worst is to happen *touch wood*, i hope that at the end of the day, a ray of light will shine upon me. *keeping my fingers crossed* 
