  you know, maybe a lot of this ranting and complaining and all things i put on here that i normally wouldnt tell people i just a way of like...well, i was thinking about changing the tagline to "things i have to say otherwise ill explode" or a variant. because... well, once michele told me i needed to talk to a social worker and verablly tell my story and explain why i dislike sophmore year so much because just telling someone would make me feel better...but there was no way in hell i was gonna do that, so i guess thats part of it... why i have this. because otherwise id drive my friends crazy with complaining and wanting help and stuff. i still need to complain to actual people sometimes though. like heather today. in retrospect, i probably shouldntve said anything because i dont want her to feel like she has to give me solutions... but... i dont know. sometimes one of the reasons i feel like complaining to real people is just so i can varify that in fact i am not crazy and that these are commonly held morals and its right to suffer for what i believe in or...you know, stuff like that. to varify that the world is just mean and its not me whos a misfit. well, actually i am a misfit. but... a righteous one? eh, whatever. i suppose this is not a revelation as we all know we ranting makes us feel better.
but i was just wondering why itd be so hard to stop making this so personal...because i probably should, but itd be hard... maybe if emily emails me more i will start dealing with these things by emailing her instead of blogging so much. maybe this blogging crap is a replacement email. hmm... id rather have the emails. confirms my thoughts that my emails are like my dairy entires too. well, anyway. thats my justification for why im not going to stop with the personal stuff (unless i get back in the email habbit, which i guess is possible if anythings possible...0 this month though.
like i said. so things arent looking good. )...because if i do, then i lose an outlet for ranting and then ill have to go to real people which has more potential for damage to relationships and stuff... at leats no one reads this very often, right? sure. so, in a nutshell...im still gonna talk about everything i want to because: if i dont, ill explode.
im already on the verge of explosion from many other things...so lets not test me. explode...die...break my heart...go crazy...be sad. those are all things i say and they mean the same thing. "do this or ill explode" or "if you dont do this i will be sad" thats the same thing, really. for future reference. anyway, really need to get to bed. in class essay tomorrow. *loud gulp* night. 
