  It's another fine Wednesday in the life I lead. Another day of me, myself and I. Blah! It is another day of why...that's all it is.
It's an aggravating, depressing, soul-searching time. I really hate this time of the month. I just want to curl up in my little double bed, with a heating pad, my cats, a case of Sauvignon Blanc and a pile of crappy chic flicks. And most of all not think about how alone I am. I constantly wonder if I have made the right choices. I silently analyze my situations and compare them to other peoples lives. Am I really stronger emotionally like they tell me?
How come I don't wrap myself up in the potential like they do? There are several people I know, in real life and via the web, that have to be in a relationship. They are not a person unless they are with someone. Some of them are so desperate for companionship they will throw away their own desires and adopt their partners. They will lose themselves in the union, become one with their partner, forget that they have their own choices and settle on being a shell of what they really are. They will be so involved they will not even realize they are unhappy. Painfully, when the relationship is over (because the partner is done using them) they don't know who they are.
They become lost and invert into a pile of blubbering nothing. They will be desperate to get back what they had and will cling to any morsel that the EX-partner will throw them. Hoping that they will come back. But they don't and the ghost of my friend/associate/what-ever, will wander aimlessly until they are captured yet again by a new partner. Only to have the same cycle happen again and again. Personally, yup, I have done it. And maybe that is why I am alone.
I fear doing it again. I fear losing myself in that black-hole some call devotion. Afraid of being so hopelessly devoted that you crumble at the slightest idea of being separated. Of becoming so desperate for love I will take anything, from anyone. The right choices...does anyone know what they are? 
