  Is it clear we're all getting tired? We don't normally write like this. Dollface, you're gorgeous. My favorite ALMIGHTY!!! ever. Conrad, I figured it out.
The difference, I mean. The difference is that I've been trying all along - don't you see? I know the difference between single parent kids and regular kids now, too - funny how much time work leaves for contemplation. Single parent kids are always sure - somewhere - that they aren't wanted. And you know why? It's cause they aren't.
Funny thing, when grown ups don't know how to grow up. Funnier, the legacy it leaves. And if it's all about being wanted and trying and . . . the universe, maybe, then leave me out of it.
Because it's one of those days where you look down at the receipt you're writing on and realize that tomorrow (today) is your best friend *ever*'s birthday and you haven't gotten her anything. And then you get home and discover that your sister is a ---- and maybe you are too (maybe we all are) and what is this gaping hole that we are all trying to fill? And I'm so tired of . . . .
all of this. Reading these is no way to learn about someone's life. But it doesn't matter anymore. When I grow up, I want to have a papasan chair to curl up in. And a down comforter. And a lot of books.
And coffee. There is nowhere left to hide There is nothing to be done No people to be saved No pets we've never named Forty miles from the sun As darkness craves the mind We come undone without our pride No time on earth to come All the pleasures just begun Forty miles from the sun 
