  Dear friend, Part of me wants to call you right now, to put all of what has been going on behind is, and to have you back as my only true friend.
But the other part of me rationalizes: wouldn't it hurt less for me not to talk to you, than to talk to you and realize that I am not important to you anymore? You say I have never opened up to you. I'm sorry. I just cannot seem to live life sans this happy masquerade that I've been putting on for everyone. I honestly don't think that I could pen my emotions into words, and furthermore, tell those words to you.
I truly believe that if I actually "opened up to you," as you so casually coin it, you wouldn't want to be friends with me. You are friends with this happy, optimistic, fun girl that I've been throughout junior high and early throughout high school, and I am so afraid that if I begin to tell you some of the things that actually actually go through my mind, you would find out that I am not the person you've always thought me to be. I don't know who I am right now. I don't know why God put me on this Earth, and that is a question I need to find out. But this is what I know right now: that you are the one person I've ever been able to trust e-v-e-r, you are the first person that I want to call when something good happens to me, the first person I want to call when I just want to cry. Advice? I come to you first. But what I also know is that throughout the course of the past month or so, I have not been that first person on you've come to for the things that really matter. And that hurts more than I think you could ever imagine. And there is nothing that I can do about it right now, because I've already told you how I feel. If someone is your true friend, you let them go, and they will come back. So now I am just waiting.
So, they say that people change with time, and with that, I am assuming friendships as well. I do not know what to do. They also say that you never stop loving your first love, so I guess that could also mean you never stop loving your first best friend. You know who you are. 
