  It has occurred to me over the past couple of days that I love music. This is hardly an epiphany, but it is funny how I don't listen to much music when I'm feeling down. A special friend of mine who happens to be named after a city in the fine state of Texas made a CD for me which helped remind me of that. I am currently listening to a CD of my own ecclectic taste...and It's putting a smile on my face. So the next step is to try to make a CD for this friend of mine. Turnabout is fairplay after all.
I finally had the talk with the parents about leaving school. They weren't upset at all, except when I alluded to things I'm sure they didn't want to hear about. So I didn't continue that line of the conversation. Really I don't think my parents have to hear all about my inner pain to be able to feel compassion for me. Indeed the last thing a parent wants to hear is that one of their children hates being alive, and has wanted to die for a long time.
And thusly I will not say these words to them. But rather just make sure that they understand that the inner workings of my mind are not all smiles and sunshine. But of course they only want me to get better, and they support my decision to leave school for the time being. And obviously support my getting help, and also wish to help any way they possibly can. I am blessed to have the family I have, I truly am, and I know it's what keeps me here. So I have pretty much decided that I have a major crush on this guy that I met. The problem is that I haven't heard tell of him in a week and I am starting to become paranoid. This is the problem that comes hand in hand with feeling better. When I am depressed I don't mind being alone at all.
However when I emerge from that I really want to find someone...then the question becomes "do I actually like this guy, or am I just desperate. " I honestly don't know. I want to find that out, but I can't do that if he's avoiding me or not interested in talking to me anymore.
I am very confused by this current situation, and bothered as well. I mean, I want to see him and talk to him so much I even went to NRG briefly on Friday night hoping he would be there...and for those of you who know me....You know what a big deal that is!! Haha, I'm being such a silly boy...it's pathetic, but cute and funny at the same time so I guess all I can do is smile and try not to focus on it too much. 
