  So I went for a very late walk. It lasted about an hour. I like it when the world is quiet, in fact, I think my mind may have even quieted itself for about five minutes. Although it does need to be said that boats on the dark water of the harbour at 3:45am are damn creepy!!! So why did I go for a walk? Good question, I'm glad I asked. Of course I can't answer it. I just wanted to take some time to think, somewhere that wasn't this apartment, or work. I've been rather preoccupied all night, trying to think of what to do, and trying desperately not to do certain other things. OH I am trying to be optimistic people...I'm trying so hard...but the effort is straining, in fact it's exhausting. I may have a plan, I'm not sure there's alot to think about. And if there's one thing that I have come to hate it's thinking.
Oh how I hate my brain...contstantly questioning, telling, tricking....talking!!! It never stops! But I suppose I'm not the only one who suffers that...except that my brain is constantly telling me what a miserable fuck up I am...and then it floods me with memories that should be forgotten, and my defenses weaken and fall and I give in. And then I type nonsense like this. 
