  I may wonder some day why I can't seem to keep a journal, most likely I'm lazy - or perhaps I can't even explain myself to myself.
Maybe it's because I've once again found myself completely into the unavailable Charlie Hoffman - not only is he taken, he's also only 19. I loved 19 - I never wanted to leave - I only hope I come across as half as smart as Charlie does.
I just love talking to him - it's real conversation, about real things - I miss that so much. I told him how I felt abotu things - about having a "crush" on him, and most likely he already knew, I'm sure I'm even more obvious than I think I am. I just want to drop everything just to spend time with hiim. Other than this newest turmoil... Slept with Bob Chaffer (fate coming true? ), slept with Jason Rosso, slept with Ben (again). Maybe I'm a slut, maybe Tom and Kris are right - maybe that is my destiny.
FUCK ME . Anyway - I'm going to smoke 7 more minutes off my life, and maybe go suck down 10 more cups of coffee - I'm good with all that after all. I need to think, need to clear my head. And besides - maybe I'll run into Charlie... *sigh* I WAS RIGHT :^} 
