  Coffee Crack Hit snooze alarm at least three times. Get up after untangling yourself from the veritable swaddling clothes you've created for yourself out of bedsheet, comforter, quilt, and a few articles of clothing you neglected to toss onto the floor before you dropped off into oblivionsweetoblivion the night before. Bladder's full, right? So take care of that before anything else, even if your adorable cat is glaring at you from the kitchen table, glaring, seething, pawing at that piece of tissue paper you left there, the crinkle crinkle rasp noise just about driving you insane.
She knows this, too. She very well fucking knows this. It's only her cuteness that keeps you from killing her, after all. It's now 6:19 AM, and the cat wants her kibble. Feed cats, then stumble over to the pantry for the large white coffee mug that says, "Hi, my name is Chad, and I'll be your coffee mug today. " It is a pleasing mug, if somewhat plain, for it does not taper at any point - its mouth is as wide as its base, and it sits solidly wherever you place it. After filling it with filtered water, place it (solidly) onto the rotating dish in the microwave, hit two-oh-oh, and set that puppy to 'waving. While that does its radioactive-surely-it-must-be-carcinogenic dance, check e-mail. Wait hungrily for that prolonged beep.
Rescue Chad the Mug from the microwave, and shuffle to the pantry once more to retrieve International Foods' coffee powder sugar crap in either White Chocolate Froo Froo or Bitter Carbo Explosion Orange Cappuccino. Dump two very healthy rounded tablespoons on top of the heated water, being careful to dip the spoon into the mug along the side so that the powder does not stick to the spoon in a slimy gunge, and will therefore mix into the water pleasingly, creating a hot, sweet, slightly coffee-like liquid that you may then sip at leisure while ripping songs to MP3 and putting on boots, etc.
For added Crack-ness, a half-spoon of Taster's Choice will give you extra added oomph and nastiness that will certainly wake you up the right way. Viva la Coffee Crack! 
