  Popped My Cherry Pan Mushrooms - Be struck by the delicious prospect of fried, breaded mushrooms in your very own home! Purchase them at your corporate food emporium of choice. - They've sat in the freezer for a while, and now you're ready to tuck in. Open the box. Do not be dissuaded by the clumped frozen mass that is the entire contents of the box. Refer to directions.
Think: oh, shit. I thought this was an oven thing. Well, it isn't! You need a Fry Daddy. Don't have one? Break out that frying pan, tiger!
Whoops - where's the vegetable oil? Thank god, you've got some. - Cover bottom of pan w/ veg. oil. Turn up that heat - but not too much! When shit seems hot, dump in that frozen, breaded mass that is your tasty mushrooms.
- Oh shit! The clumped mass is burning on one side! Turn that shit quick! - Ok, it's black on one side. No worry; it's just crispy. Figure: you'll just cook 'em till their soft.
Think about which salad dressing remnant you're going to dip this shit in, and how great that'll make it taste. - Admit that the fuckers are black beyond belief now, and taste like pan. Taste. Nope, you were wrong! They taste like ass. - Turn off stove, let the shit cool, then bag it up and toss it.
Or, if you have no pets, just toss the nasty shit. - Order pizza. Drink all inebriates within reach. If no money, find friend or other loser associate to enable such end. 
