  Guest loser: Boz from urlLink grand ennui Peanut Butter for Two (serves one) Take the peanut butter out of the fridge. Put it in the microwave on low for 30 seconds to make it easier to spread. Enjoy the arc show because you didnt get all the foil off when you opened the jar the first time. Get four slices of bread, two of which will no doubt be heals because who remembers to buy bread with the world in crisis. Apply the peanut butter liberally using a stainless steel knife, because all the plastic ones are broken.
Get set to pour a glass of nice cold milk when you notice the expiration date is 12-24-02, drink water instead. Sit down in front of your computer and pretend to have witty and sparkling conversation with the picture of Shania Twain, or celebrity of your choice, that you have just downloaded from the internet. Come to the realization that it isnt going to get any better than this. 
